Memoirs of a Geeser

Now Gamer

2009-03-24T12:13:00.003Z

Hey guys,

Just a quick update. In order to help push my 'career', I've volunteered to be a blogger for NowGamer, the new website from Imagine Publishing. I'll to make sure I won't neglect this place either (although it is sort of on hold whilst I get my website up and running), but if you're into gaming and gaming related topics, do check me out at:

http://www.nowgamer.com/blogs/

Should be fun.

Testing, Testing

2009-03-12T22:39:00.001Z

Those of you who pay attention to such things may have noticed that the URL of this blog as now changed.

Long story short, I'm designing my own website, and I think I just successfully got it to transfer over to it, we'll see. I'll be fiddling with things as I go along, as it's not finished yet. Should this disappear or anything, you'll know why.

More details to come.

Ciao.

Soap Box

2009-03-01T13:01:00.010Z

If there's one thing that I've picked up in the ~8 months since I started my freelancing, it's that you can't beat a good old fashioned boxed copy.
Despite various pundits trying to herald in the future of PC Gaming by bigging up the various digital platforms such as GamersGate, Steam, Impulse etc, as a reviewer, I prefer getting my games the traditional way.

Let me tell you why:

Empire: Total War, the next game in a series by English-based developer Creative Assembly (they're from Surrey, don'cha know), is due out on March 3rd/4th. Judging by videos, previews etc... This is without a doubt going to be the biggest and best game in the series, and could probably be a contender for Game of the Year. Amongst the triad of new technologies and developments being used in this title, SEGA (who own the publishing rights for Creative Assembly) have decided to make this game even more special by tying it to Valve's Steam platform.

For the uninitiated, Steam is one of the few 'pioneers' if you will of the Post-Digital Era. An independent company, Valve's Steam program serves as a hosting platform for scores of developers, and scores of titles. As well as acting as a marketplace where you can purchase PC games, Steam also hosts various multiplayer servers, videos and has its own budding online community. It also takes a slightly different approach to Digital Rights Management (DRM), and so is seen as a bit of a 'champion' of sorts. Of course, as is with all things, there's also a fair few people who hate the program with a passion, but there you go.

Back to Empire: If I were to say that I was excited about this game, then I would probably win the understatement of the year award. I know for some this would call into question my objectivity as a journalist, but to be quite honest, I'm more likely to be objective with a game I really like, as opposed to a game I really hate.

Working for an online publication as I do, it’s not uncommon for me to receive review code through digital distribution as opposed to a CD in the post. (Although, as it happens, I've received more games through the post then I have via the internet.) Whilst I do take a certain secret pleasure in receiving games through the post, especially when the publisher has been generous enough to provide a full retail copy, at the end of the day, I don't mind how I get my game, so long as I get it.

With Empire, it soon became apparent that SEGA was going to try and milk the whole Steam angle for all it was worth, and was forcing the majority of online publications, especially the 'not so big ones' like mine, to obtain their code from Steam. Fine, ok. I can deal with that. I would have preffered a nice shiny boxed copy, but whatever.

So rewind to last Wednesday. I was chatting to my editor, as we do, and eventually we get our serial code from Sega for our copy of Empire. Huzzah! Overflowing with anticipation, I eagerly open up Steam, go the Activation's section, and type in my code. Crash.

...Wait? What?

I re-open the program, type in the code again. Crash.

...Fuck.

No matter how many times I try, the Steam client always crashes whenever I type in the key. Which means I can't download Empire. Which means I can't play Empire... oh God.

As you can imagine, I was a tad distressed by these turn of events. The moment I had been waiting for had been snatched from me by some karmic twist of fate, and I could not play the game I'd been waiting many a -month for. After frantically informing my editor of the situation, we both desperately tried to find a solution to the problem, which to this day has yet to be found.

Although we now know what the cause of the problem is. A combination of a final release version being chosen, Steam's set-up for purchasing Empire online, and some sort of password algorithm (I'm a bit fuzzy over that bit), means that the Steam client can't find what it's looking for, and so shuts down in confusion and fear. Despite several emails to Sega, Valve, and whoever else we thought could help, the best we got was that they were 'working on it', and as the weekend approached, it was clear that I wouldn't be getting a review copy until Monday, at the earliest. Considering they're releasing it on Tuesday and Wednesday, it's quite possible that normal people are going to get to play this game before I do. Unprecedented, and totally unacceptable.

The only good point to come out of all this is that it happened to everyone else as well, as there are only 2/3 reviews actually online so far. Still, I'm over it now. Extremely disappointed, but over it. I know I'll be getting my hands on this game sooner or later, but the experience will be tainted ever so slightly.

And so we come back to the original point of this rant: the boxed copy. If SEGA had only stopped trying to be hip, or had made sure that the keys were set up properly, I wouldn't be here. Whilst I fully realise that digital distribution was probably the easiest way to get us our code, the fact that they didn't even check to see if it was working properly is embarrassing, and the fact that they didn't just send us out boxed copies as replacements is unfortunate.

I will say this though, in their defence: all of this I have deduced from talking to other people, or working it out on my own. Perhaps there was a more reasonable explanation for what happened, but Sega haven't exactly been talkative since this the initial event. That's public relations for you.

At the end of the day though, nothing beats a boxed copy of a game... Apart from maybe the Royal Mail.

Resume: Games Journalism

2009-01-25T17:37:00.002Z

Hello,

My name is Joe Robinson and I'm looking for paid freelance work to add to my portfolio. My ultimate aim is break into the videogames journalism industry and nab a full-time position somewhere amongst the leading names in this profession.

For now though, I'm content with working at home on a part-time basis. I am capable of performing a variety of roles including news, reviews and features. I am currently based in Bournemouth, UK.

Platforms owned

* Xbox 360
* Nintendo Wii
* Gaming orientated PC (custom built) + Laptop (Specs available on request)

Experience

Since the beginning of summer, I have been freelancing for a number of different websites, and have already built up an extensive portfolio. However, I'm always looking for more work as i need as much experience as possible.

Games TM

For two weeks at the beginning of October, I did a work placement at one of the UK's leading multi-format magazines - Games TM. During my time, I helped out with a variety of tasks, and got several items published in Issues 76 and 77 of the magazine. These included a two-page 'Discuss' feature on Digital Rights Management, and a one-page review of Trackmania (DS). Due to Games TM's credit policy, my name is not directly attributed on the articles, but Rick Porter (the editor of Games Tm) can confirm my involvement.

(Note: Due to a printing error, my name is not actually in the contributors section for Issue 76, but it is there in Issue 77. Again, the Editor can confirm all of this.)

strategyinformer.com

This is the main website that I freelance for, and they currently pay me on per-article basis plus extras if the situation calls for it. I won't disclose the amount publicly, but if you wish to hire me you will have to at least match this rate. Here is a selection of articles that I have written for them:

Review: Enemy Territory: Quake Wars (360)

Review: Dreamlords - The Reawakening (PC)

Preview: Lego Batman (360)

Interview: Pete Hines & Fallout 3

Preview: Fallout 3 (Multi)

Review: Unreal Tournament III (360)

Interview: Denis Dyack & Too Human

Review: Too Human (360)

Review: Fable II (360)

Review: Mount & Blade (PC)

News sample

xbox360achievements.org

x360a.org was the other main website I worked for, however it is on a voluntary basis. I mainly helped them with their daily news coverage, whilst also doing the odd review for them. I have since left, but here is a sample of the work I did for them:

Review: Sid Meier's Civilization: Revolution (360)

News sample 1

News sample 2

News sample 3

Other Past Work

I used to write for a number of smaller websites to gain practice and experience. I no longer work for these websites now, as my situation has forced me to concentrate on my paid work, but here are some samples:

Review: Sins of a Solar Empire (PC)

Preview: Dungeon Hero (Multi)

News sample

Feature: The Joys of Having a Girlfriend Gamer: Love and War

News sample

E3 2008

During this year's E3 Media and Business Conference, I helped various websites with their E3 coverage by watching/reading the live feeds that were available.

Some examples include:

Gameslave: Nintendo Press Conference Round-Up

Strategy Informer: Yoichi Wada announces FF XIII for 360

Strategy Informer: Xbox Live Update Announcement

Leipzig GDC 2008

This year I also attended the Leipzig Games Convention on behalf of Strategy Informer and x360a. I was there for a total of seven days, and I was present for the whole convention from Wednesday (which was the press only day) through to Sunday and gave coverage through out. Some of the work that came out of Leipzig included:

Feature: Leipzig GC '08 - First Impressions

Interview: EVE Online

Preview: Empire - Total War

Report: Age of Conan

Preview: Call of Duty - World at War

Preview: Hearts of Iron III

Preview: Alpha Protocol

Preview: Aion - Tower of Eternity

Preview: Rise of the Argonauts

Extra Information

In September of this year (2008), I shall be entering the third and final year of my Journalism Degree. By Summer of 2009, I shall have a BA(Hons) in Multi-Media Journalism. I should also be fully NCTJ qualified.

Other skills include:

* Editorial Experience & Website design/management - I am Online Editor for my university's student news website,
The Wire
* Experience with Photoshop, Dreamweaver & InDesign (Examples available on request)
* NCTJ approved 80 wpm shorthand
* Experience with several multi-media devices including video cameras and voice recorders. (Sample Podcast available on request)
* Knowledge of Media Law & a variety of media theories

I also have a full valid UK's Drivers license, as well as a discount rail card and I am willing to travel. I consider myself to be friendly, and capable of working together with other people in a team.

All of this information can be provided in a formal CV, which is available on request.

Contact Details

Email: joe-robinson@tiscali.co.uk
Mobile: 07879640305
PM: Feel free to PM me on this forum, as I check regularly

If you need any more information, do not hesitate to ask. I look forward to hearing from you.

Joe Robinson
Freelance Journalist

Epic Frustration

2009-01-13T18:42:00.003Z

I was bought the first two books of the 'Inheritance Cycle' for christmas. You may know the first book as the recent-ish fantasy film Eragon. It's quite good, already part way through the second book.

But that's not why I've randomly popped back into existence. Reading these books made me realise something: No one ever masturbates.

Take Eragon for example. He turns 16 throughout the course of the book, discovers girls somewhere along the line, and spends several months trapsing over the world of Aglagaesia, and not once is any potential sexual frustration touched upon. If an alien read the book, he would think that the human race is incapable of even having a boner.

A bit crass for a blog topic I know, but now that I think about it, all books are like that. Sure, some contain very romantic scenes that either hint at or directly suggest the act of sex took place, but nothing sexual ever really happens around that event.

Just some food for thought.

In other news, I'm going to be building myself a PC within the next few days. Should give me something to write about, so with any luck I'll be back soon with another update. (I know, you've heard that before...)

Yes, I Has A Blog

2008-11-17T13:53:00.003Z

Conor McNicholas came in to see us today.

As part of my 'Professional Perspectives' Unit at university, our lecturer brings in a guest speaker every week to talk about their experiences. This week is was the Editor of NME.

Kind of cool you may think, but he spent most of the time scaring the living hell out of us. Instead of talking about various anecdotes of him smoking weed with some band in some hotel, he presented us with the grim reality that the current economic crises is going to make it hard for us to find jobs.

The main theme of his talk was concerned with Specialization, as he is obviously a Music Journalist. Luckily he was more general in his words of wisdom, which was quite useful. The basic message of his whole speal was that we had to get our shit together, or we're screwed. And that Specializing will be very useful.

One of his anecdote with regards to employability was - "Often I get people come to me and say they're very passionate about writing, and they're very passionate about music. I always ask them whether they have a blog or not - 9/10 they say no. Obviously they're not that passionate are they?"

This made me realise that, once again, I need to keep this blog going. I'll beef it out with my freelance work if I can, but I'll try to keep it as original as possible.

Yes, I Has a Blog.

P.S. To anyone who saw/read the post I made about a month ago regarding my first day at Imagine, I had to take it down due to the fact that it had Issue spoilers in it. Sorry.

State of Play

2008-07-16T16:53:00.002+01:00

This post is mainly just so a good friend of mine doesn't have to keep looking at Quake Wars every day. Just shows you how committed some people are to my awesomeness really...

Kidding. But in all serious, he reminded me that, once again, i have neglected my blog. Which is a bit silly of me because I keep going on about how i have one.

Anyway, i have loads to update you all about, and i've got plenty more work to put up, although ill probably stagger it. Won't do a proper post today as I'm helping to cover E3 at the moment... if you don't know what that is, i'll reveal all soon enough.

Ciao.

Enemy Territory: Quake Wars

2008-06-05T21:38:00.005+01:00

Making the much anticipated move from PC to the consoles, Enemy Territory: Quake Wars’ team-based ethos was supposed to fill the gap left by EA’s Battlefield series. Unfortunately, the result was yet another under-par port that failed to live up to its predecessor.

It’s a shame, because this title has all the elements that should have made it a successful FPS: unique classes, expansive maps, multiple-objective scenarios, Vehicles, even mechs. (Well, one mech.) Yet the entire experience smacks of a half-hearted attempt to appease the console-playing demographic.

Set in the Quake universe, ET:QW acts as a sequel to previous Quake games, and features Mankind’s first encounter with the Strogg. Not that you get any of this from the game itself you understand. The newly-added single-player campaign, whilst a decent size, is completely devoid of context or plot. It’s simply there. The most information you get as to why this game exists is in the opening video, and even that is questionably ambiguous.

Unlike the PC version, the 360-port was made by a different developer, and the PS3 version by yet another. This is where things probably started to go wrong, as you can’t help but feel this is a game that was made with only half the story.

With poorer graphics, bland environments, smaller groups and uninspired objectives, it’s hard to justify getting Quake Wars when so many other solid titles exist in the genre. Add to that a steep learning curve, and a sometimes frustrating online experience, you’ll soon find yourself missing the £43 you spent on the game.

Never-the-less, it does grow on you. Experimenting with the different classes, and discovering their role on the battlefield is a worthwhile experience. Whether you’re calling down an air strike, sneaking behind enemy lines, or simply healing a team-mate – using the each classes strengths to help complete your objectives is oddly satisfying.

The levels themselves are thankfully quite diverse, with varying climates and layouts. Obviously some maps are more interesting then others, but this is generally always the case. Whilst they may not feel like they’re in a particular region, (For instance, the ‘African’ maps don’t always seem very African.) the architecture is sound.

Even though the single player can be enjoyable, it pretty much exists as one big tutorial that sets you up for the main event: Online. Unfortunately, nerve (the 360 developer) has managed to screw this up as well. Loading times and odd hosting rules can make getting a game started up difficult, but once you’re in, the fun begins.

As is always the case, working together with real people beats a bot any day. The cooperative element really shines when you’re online, and even the repetitive objectives can become interesting as you work together to make sure the enemy is beat.

Provided you can look past the games failings, the two modes combined give this game a remarkably long life-span. However, it’s just a matter of time before you’ll be trading it back in because the next Battlefield game has come to claim its throne.

At the end of it all, Enemy Territory: Quake Wars is one of those games you want to like, but can’t. You want to say “Hey, it’s not you, it’s me”, but you can’t do that either. Just about the only thing you can do is play, enjoy it as much as you can and give it a pat on the back for trying.

Hello Europe!

2008-05-25T09:00:00.000+01:00

Yup, it's that time again: Eurovision time. You ready?

This year we're in the lovely Belgrade, capital of last year's winners Serbia. Wogan's on form as always, bottle of whiskey at the ready. I reckon Serbia only won it because they gave up Montenegro last year. That's politics for you.

I wonder if they use the Eurovision as some sort of political bargaining chip? "Give up Montenegro...and we'll let you win Eurovision." No sign of Kosovo this year, that's surprising. Perhaps they weren't freed in time for the elimination round? I've theorised that whilst all eyes are on Belgrade, the Serbian army is secretly marching on the Kosovoian border.

Some weird and wonderful entries this year, and they're really delving deep into eastern Europe with Georgia and Azerbaijan making an appearance this year. Although i reckon Georgia is there because they weren't allowed in the EU this year. Our entry this year wasn't bad, as UK entires go. Andy Abraham I think his name was, a runner-up on X-factor or something.

Armenia, Greece and Ukraine were fitties, and they happened to have decent songs too.#

Voting is going pretty much according to the Status Quo. San Marino in their Eurovision voting debut gave us 6 points, which was nice of them since most Brits probably have no idea where San Marino is. Everyone's been nice to Azerbaijan this year, considering their entry was whack.

Russia and Greece are the favourites so far. I so hope Russia don't win, they've been so smug this year, especially with their threats over oil supplies.

Crap, they won. See you in Moscow.

Column #1: Looking Forward

2008-05-24T12:00:00.000+01:00

(My first attempt at some sort of games column. To all of my imaginary readers out there, now would be a good time to leave feedback.)

-----------------------------------

So the dust from GTA IV’s landing has settled the reviews are out, the game has been played and hookers everywhere have been slain: What now? Well, Microsoft might go from strength to strength, as Gears of War 2 and Fable 2 are just on the horizon. Add to that multi-platform releases such as Star Wars, Soul Calibur IV(They’re getting Vader, apparently) and Fallout 3 and this could be a very interesting year indeed.

At the start of the year the critics were hailing 2008 as the ‘Year of the PS3’, but so far it has been anything but. The demo if their first highly anticipated exclusive, Haze, was met with general negativity and since the games full release the reviews have been a bit…Hazy.

Puns aside, it seems Ubisoft’s FPS has failed to deliver on its promises. It now looks like it’s up to Konami and Metal Gear Solid 4 to pull things back, but with no other note-worthy exclusives on the horizon for summer; will this be Sony’s year? Or will it pass them by on the wayside? The multiplatform releases should keep the die-hard Sony fans happy with some good gaming, but if they hope to attract a wider market, their going to have to do better then this.

With Microsoft and Sony really butting heads at the moment, it’s easy to lose sight of Nintendo in all of the cross fire. Comfortably carving in-roads in the family and casual gamers market with the Wii, many Nintendo games look childish standing next to Gears, but favourites like Super Smash Brothers Brawl will remind everyone that they can still muck it in with the best of them. Although, that’s about all they’ve got going…

To tell you the truth, one of the games I’m most looking forward too this year is Empire: Total War. Simply bearing the name ‘Total war’ brings with it a certain degree of ‘zomgthisisgoingtokickass’-ness but Creative Assembly have promised a bit of a revolution with this title.

Set around 18^th Century, E:TW will feature full-scale navy battles for the first. Also factoring in the new technologies of gunpowder and cannon, this is probably going to be the best one yet. A lot is being kept under wraps for now, but keep an eye out on all your usual sources for info. Unless you don’t like the series, then of course you don’t have to do anything...

Noses at the Ready...

2008-05-23T20:15:00.000+01:00

Because I can.

On a serious note, I do intend to review this game at some point, since I have it and have played it enough to be able to review it. The words are escaping me at the moment. Watch this space.

I also completed the story mode on GTA IV. A bit underwhelming but oh well. I pretty much just get to free roam now, complete any side missions I haven't done. Got no new games to play though...a part of me feels empty.

GTA IV Review

2008-05-22T19:43:00.005+01:00

“Life is complicated.”
- Niko Bellic

Never has such a short sentence summed up a game that is so morally questionable, yet so diverse and ambiguous, so perfectly. Life is complicated, and no one’s life is more complicated then that of Niko Bellic – protagonist to Rockstars’ new game: Grand Theft Auto IV.

Morally ambiguous as ever, the critically acclaimed developer has taken the series to the next chapter by officially crowning their latest release as the fourth GTA. (As opposed to Vice City and San Andreas, which are considered ‘spin-offs’ of the third game.) Returning to Liberty City, GTA IV has you take over the life of Niko Bellic, a Serbian with a dark past and the desire to make a new life for himself in America.

From the moment you step off the boat, you can tell there’s something different about this game. The rain falling down around you, the street lights desperately trying to hold the darkness at bay, even the people going about their business… for the first time, Liberty City feels alive.

This sense of realism is a feat not many can achieve, and whilst Rockstar come close, they don’t quite manage it with perfect execution. Like the previous GTA games, IV carries with it some bugs, some oddities, and those little things that can sometimes ruin the experience for you. The controls can also seem a bit ‘fiddly’ at times, especially with the new ‘cover & shoot’ combat system that’s been added. But if you look past this, if you ignore the hype and just enjoy the game for what it is, then you’re guaranteed a worthwhile experience.

One of its high points is the story, the character of Niko Bellic. Unlike previous GTA titles, Niko’s story revolves around the irony of his situation; that of a man who wants to do good, who doesn’t want to be controlled by others, yet inevitably finds himself reacting to other peoples actions. Previous characters, whilst being well-rounded, have often come up short when trying to factor in the sociopathic behaviour that comes as a result of the players actions.

Niko himself is a troubled man; he fought in the Bosnian war, he’s killed, smuggled and traded people and illegal wares…and now he’s on the run, and looking for a new life in the ‘land of opportunity’. The game starts you off in the ‘working-class’ district of Liberty City, Dukes & Hove Beach, where he lives with his cousin Roman who moved to America years before.

As you progress through the game, you meet new people, not all of them good. Despite his reformist dreams, Niko finds himself time and again do other people’s dirty work, and he makes more then a few enemies. As you slowly fight your way up through the districts of Liberty City, you’re confronted with betrayal, jealousy, friendship, love, and hope.

The physical world of GTA IV is smaller then that of the last game and other little things like the use of planes have also been dropped. This is because Rockstar have tried to shift the entire focus of the game; instead of just randomly walking around and blowing stuff up which was the favourite hobby of most GTA players, you actually get engaged in the story and what it has to offer.

Graphically, GTA IV is stunning, equally on par with the likes of BioWare’s Mass Effect, or even Creative Assembly’s Viking. As mentioned earlier, Rockstar have really brought Liberty City to life in this game. The pedestrians now act in a more realistic manner, they stand around and talk, they react to the environment, and even the weather. Other tweaks like the ‘escape radius’ for police chases, and the impact damage on cars, add to reality that this is a city, and you can do damage.

The multiplayer adds yet another layer of depth, letting you team up online with up to 16 people in a variety of different modes – Deathmatch, Car Chase City, and Free Roam to name but a few. Both fun and challenging, this extra mode will help ensure the game is played well passed the single player story.

If you were say that GTA IV was a triumph, that it was the best in the series, and that it is one of the best made games this year, then you wouldn’t be far wrong. That said, GTA IV is not a God, it’s not perfect, and whilst it my have wide appeal, they’ll still be those that question the ambiguous morals that it teaches to those that play. Still, it’s a damn good game.

Form the Column

2008-05-18T15:35:00.005+01:00

It's quite nice knowing what you want to do in life. Gives you a feeling of certainty, security...and it's also kind of exciting.

Of course the next question is: What now? Where do I go from here? Well, some work experience at somewhere like Gamestm would be nice, but they don't feel like talking to me for some reason. But it occurred to me, since I'm editor of a student website, why not put it to use?

Of course running and maintaining an entire section by myself is not exactly a walk in a park. Gamers who can actually string two sentences together without going 'lolz' or 'owned' are hard to find at my uni, but a fellow games journalist (I say fellow, it's some random person who offered me advice.) suggested that instead of trying to pump out the reviews, why not do a column?

So, to you my loyal fans i pledge you this: I will try to do a regular games column of some sort. For practice and to build up my portfolio. Once i get my head around the logistics I'll try and do something on bwire, but until then, the column shall rest here.

Here's to hoping that i can keep it up this time.

GTA FTW

2008-04-30T17:29:00.005+01:00

“I’m telling you, 50 copies for the 360, and only 36 for the PS3”

“360 for the win!”

“It’s five too, can’t we just have it now?”

“Maybe we should go to Game…”

“Pre-orders only ….”

And so there I was. It was 11:50 at night, and I was standing with my friends in a queue with two of my friends waiting for Grand Theft Auto IV.

I’d never stayed up late to go to a launch ‘opening’ before. It was just as geeky as I thought it would be, but it was worth going.

We arrived about half an hour early, yet there were already people there waiting. And they had snacks.

And they were some characters there I can tell you. Mainly under-aged chavs, but a few hardcore gamers were there too. And then of course there was the mother with her 10 or 11 year old son…

I know most of society is in uproar over this game and how horribly violent it is, but parents like her bring it upon themselves. Still, I wish my mom was like that. One time when I was like 11 or 12, I rented Doom out on the N64, which was a 15 or 18 I think. I had for like a couple hours before my mom found out I had. Had to send it right back.

Anyway, got home with my new purchase, and started playing it. And it was 2 in the morning when my girlfriend woke up and asked me what I had been doing all night…

The main character’s ugly. Didn’t expect that. So far I’ve been impressed. I’ll probably write my own review at some point, once I’ve played it a bit more.

Love and War

2008-04-28T14:55:00.004+01:00

“Baby! Don’t attack me yet!”

And just like that, the army came to a halt.

On a Sunday afternoon, you’d be right in thinking that a young couple in their twenties would be doing something together. Going shopping, going for a walk, watching TV, even doing work together…

Me and my girlfriend were playing Empire Earth. It was fun.

I wouldn’t say that my girlfriend is a typical girly-girl, but neither is she a hardcore games-nut like me. Despite having a strong yet restrained passion for Age of Empires, she still has a 'non-gamer' attitude towards games, and thinks I’m going to dump her for my Xbox.

Yet here we were, pitting our two great empires against each other in a clash of titans. It’s fascinating how the entire nature of the game changes when you play someone close to you – there’s generally no rushing at the beginning (she wanted time to set up). No fear of cheats, or abusive language. Even boredom fails to rear its ugly head.

It wasn’t easy though, far from it. There’s something very immediate about having the person you’re playing in the same room as you, and even more so if that person is your significant other. As such, you tend to play by the rules.

So when she said that I couldn’t attack yet, I had to stop. The great war host of Byzantine Rome, legions of death and destruction that were poised to descend on it’s not-so unsuspecting prey…was brought to a stand-still by a woman.

Well they say Helen of Troy launched a thousand ships, but my girlfriend would have sent them home again.

Still, that’s not to say I was idle. Thinking of creative yet stealthy ways of raiding her territory proved to be challenging. It was like poking her with a stick; I got slapped a few times, but it was worth it.

And then she learnt, so you have to find new ways of raiding. And she learnt some more, and slowly but surely, the game’s fun-factor is cranked up until you’re having a genuinely fun match with someone you actually care for. Pounding her civilisation into the dust actually means something, since she is not just a random name on a screen.

And I will pound her into the ground. It’s inevitable. I just got to wait until she is ready…

“Baby!”

(Slap)

“I told you not to attack me yet!”

What can I say? War only has so much patience.

New v Old

2008-04-15T20:55:00.004+01:00

You can tell I'm going through a phase or something can't you?

Ever since deciding I should try and take steps towards becoming a video game journalist (Yes, it's an actual profession), everything's been games games games...well, at least more than usual...

/me puts down the Xbox controller.

I bought a new game the other day, so rest assured a review will appear at some point, but today I'm going to talk to you about something else: New Games Journalism. (You may need to scroll down a bit.)

I came across this concept whilst doing research for my dissertation proposal, which I'm also doing on video games journalism. Put simply, it's another way of writing game reviews as thought up by Kieron Gillen - an apparently well known English games journalist. (It's good to be British.)

In his 'manifesto', Gillen talks about how there is this massive problem in games journalism, and things need changing. Using this article, he lays down the framework for a new style of games journalism.

Now, is it just me, or is it actually quite interesting?

Ignoring the fact that it tells the reader almost nothing about the actual game, it's still an interesting look at how one experiences playing online, especially when games are moving more and more towards 'online' gaming.

It's also a classic example of how racist the online community can be, but what can you do.

Still, an interesting style. It may not replace reviews, but it may be a good addition to them.

Viking: Battle for Asgard

2008-03-31T21:44:00.005+01:00

Despite a slow start, Viking quickly picks up speed until you’re smashing your way through the game. Short and sweet, this is a hack ‘n’ slash with a twist that’s fun to play. Unfortunately, all good things come to an end, and the linear quality to the game may put you off another play through…

For a company that’s in the middle of redefining its main franchise, it probably comes as no surprise that Creative Assembly’s Viking is as ‘safe’ as it is mythical. Whilst not being the most ground-breaking of action/adventure RPGs, like Spartan: Total Warrior before it, Viking certainly has its charm.

Based in ‘Midgard’, the mortal realm of men from Norse mythology, Viking has you travelling through three islands on a mission to take back man’s dominion from the evil forces of Hel - a rather good looking goddess on a power trip. Aiding you is the equally attractive Goddess Freya, ruler of Midgard. The basic theme of the game is to free any brethren held captive by Hel, and kick the ‘Legion’ back into the underworld.

Anyone with preconceptions of how this game might play out is in for a bit of a surprise. There is no flashy opening with fire and brimstone, despite the pre-rendered 3D images on the box. Instead the beginning sequence is a more subtle affair: a mix between the narrative style and in-game cinematics of Fable, and the storyboard imagery of 300.

Indeed, anyone thinking this game will be a simple hack ‘n’ slash will also be surprised. Stealth elements are frequently added into the game, usually in the form of quests that require you to sneak in and out of strongholds instead of killing everything in plain sight. Paired with some other features it proves to make a more dynamic game.

The combat system can take some getting used to if you’re unfamiliar with the dynamics – a button combo system similar to God of War. However as you play, you realise that half of the game’s fun-factor comes from this system: pulling off a successful combo is certainly satisfying – especially when it goes into a slow motion death-blow sequence, again in true 300 style.

On the other hand, sometimes it goes a bit too far – especially when all you want to do is open a crate or use a teleporter. The action, or ‘do things’ command, is attributed to the ‘B’ button in this game and you may well find yourself sick and tired of mashing it just to do simple things. A commendable attempt at getting you more involved with the mundane, but still pretty annoying.

Graphically, Viking is stunning. The backgrounds are well defined, and the texture of your surroundings is detailed down to a single blade of grass: realism is the tone. However everything does look a tad ‘shiny’, like the cell-shaded effect you could see on 13 or Wind Waker. It really depends on your tastes whether you like it or not.

Apart from combat and quests, Viking has little else to offer in terms of mini-games, side-quests, or any other form of game mechanic. Barring quest items, gold is the only thing you can find in jars or chests. Finding ale barrels enables you to trade for more gold, but it’s pretty basic. Upgrades are few and mostly focus around combat, and there are only two methods of travel: walking and using ‘leystones’.

This simplistic theme does nothing to harm the game, but it does nothing to flesh it out either.

As mentioned before, the game’s fun comes in two halves, both to do with combat. The other half of the fun in this game is derived from the quests, and the different situations those quests put you in. Freeing a group of Vikings is simple enough, but the real juicy bit is when they ask you to ambush a horde of baddies before they agree to join you. These choreographed sequences are one of two of such sequences that really make this game stand out from both its predecessor and the rest of the genre in general.

The second type of sequence is really what sold the game in the first place – large scale RTS type battles in a third person action style. To trigger one of these epic clashes, you must first complete quests, raise an army, and do the usual preparations. Once all the conditions have been satisfied, it’s time for the main event…

The forces of good are always the attacking side. Your army lines up in front of the town gates, whilst the enemy’s own battle lines sally forth to confront you. Both sides posses ‘shamans' that resurrect more troops for their particular side. The way to win is to kill the shamans, thus driving your enemy back into the town where you begin the process again.

You can gain advantages over your enemies by using special powers or by calling on dragons. It’s easily the best bit of the game, and these events usually serve as a climax for that particular section of the game.

All in all, Viking is fun. Whilst a bit slow to start, the game certainly picks up pace and any disappointment you may feel at the beginning gradually fades away as it grows on you. Unfortunately, since it only spouts two difficulty levels and little leeway on how you actually go about playing the game, its life-span is short. Be prepared to find yourself trading it back in for something else before too long.

Note: Sorry for popping up randomly with this. I've decided I want to become a Video Games Journalist, and so this is me practicing. I'll try and start posting more regularly from now on. (If i hear anyone utter the "If i had a penny" line, I'm going to gut them like a fish...)

The Great Experiment

2008-03-03T22:43:00.006Z

As some of you may have read in an earlier post, i was made Multi-Media Editor of my Universities Student Newspaper. Without going in to details, one of my duties concerns creating media content, like Podcasts.

To cut a long story short, things didn't go according to plan: I have only one podcast at the moment, and barely a website to put it on. In the mean time, I felt i would try and fiddle with the "Audio Blogging" features on here, so, if all goes according to plan, They'll be a Podcast with this post.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

WireCast 1

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Zomg. Did this actually work? Stay tuned.

EDIT: No, not it didn't, I'm going to try this instead:

Wirecast 1

Hmmm....seems to have worked, sort of. The second link is definitely the way to go.

Thanks for bearing with me.

Return of the Joe

2008-02-26T14:26:00.003Z

It seems rather weird, coming back to this after so much time. I feel like a little boy whose done something wrong, run away for a short spell, and is now returning to face up to his crimes. (Sounds like a videogame I like playing.)

Not that I have done anything wrong mind you, I just simply keep forgetting to post. It's a shame really because there have been some interesting events in the past few months which I failed to comment on. Oh well. If life has taught me one thing, it is that there is never any shortages of "noteworthy incidents".

On a more personal level, a lot has been happening. Still going strong with my Girlfriend (nearly 5 months now)....well, that's about it actually. It's funny how even though a lot has changed, it's all still the same.

I'm going to keep it short and sweet today, but consider this an "IOU". I will start posting again, and I have some ideas which I may try and implement.

As they like to say: stay tuned.

Obscene

2007-11-26T09:25:00.000Z

I'd like to start off by apologising to my 'readers' who are not from the UK. Today's topic does not concern you if you're not in the UK at the moment, and it may not interest you either. Anyone who reads a newspaper or watches the news should already be familiar with today's topic, the topic of "free speech."

Walking through campus on my way to a lecture, I often stop by the shop to pick up the day's paper. What do i see on the headlines? The Oxford Union Free Speech debate. It appears that Oxford university is supposed to hold some sort of panel/debate on free speech, and among guests such as Defence Secretary Des Browne, and TV presenter June Sarpong, BNP leader Nick Griffin and "Holocaust Denier" David Irving were also invited. The country quite literally rose up in uproar when they heard. I say the 'country', it's mainly anti-fascists, students (surprise, surprise) and Trade Union members (Wtf?).

Now, forgive me if I'm wrong, but this debate is about free speech. key word there being free. Now, you may not like someone's view, and in decent society it may be considered 'obscene', but to rise up just because they are going to a free speech debate is, I must say, the biggest waste of time ever. Ever ever. Do you know what the funniest thing about this is? One of their biggest fears is that right-wing supporters may visit the town to support their 'idols'. Run for the fricking hills!! Right-wing supporters are coming to town. Ahhhhhh. Apparently the student's safety are at stake! Oh no! They may be converted!

Sarcasm off. In all seriousness, the Oxford union has a very valid point. A debate on free speech has to deal with extremism, and what way to do then to invite "extremists". Now, I'm not denying that, for all intensive purposes, the BNP are a bunch of racists. And not in the "boooo Nazi!" sense, I mean in the literal sense that they discriminate based on ethnicity. If your not British (and possibly white, although I'm curious to how they behave towards second generation ethnics) then you're out. Fair enough, I'm not voting for you. But David Irving? granted he has racist and pro-Nazi sentiments, but all he really did was write a book, a "well-researched" book according to many reputable historians. Hardly extreme if you ask me. And hardly something to cry about. He slants historical facts to promote a pro-Nazi view? So do anti-Nazi views. History is written by the winners, and then re-written according to bias.

The point of this near-rant? Don't be a hypocrite. I mean the Chair of the Equalities and Human Rights Commission even spoke out against this. Now THAT is obscene. If you're going to have a debate on free speech, then do it properly, don't pussy foot around the contentious issues like babies. So some students may be converted, big deal. we are a very fallible breed, we'll grow out of it.

Disclaimer: No i do not hold any racists or pro-Nazi sentiments, my girlfriend is second-generation Indian for crying out loud.

P.s I would also like to apologise for not posting in nearly a month, it's gone quicker then I thought it would. I'll try to let it happen again.

Perspective

2007-10-28T22:13:00.000Z

I've been dealing more and more with "perspective" as of late. Several contentious issues have arisen in and around the Uni, and whilst my feelings on such issues are usually clear, i can't help but play the Devil's Advocate so that everyone else understands what is really at stake.

This usually results in me putting my neck in the guillotine just so i can get a point across. It stopped being funny a long time ago. One thing that i really don't like thought is disrespect, especially when it comes to discussion. Luckily, there's only a "few" (*cough* Corfe house *cough*) that have done this to me so far, so it's not all bad, but if someone is trying to put a point across, even if it may seemingly go against what you believe, you let them make that point first, before rebuking them. It's just being polite. I'd go into detail, but then it would just turn into a rant and that's not what i want.

In other news, I've secured myself some freelance work, which is uber cool. An online magazine called Howdooz wanted a weekly news writer, un-paid, and so i stepped up and said "Yes!". Sent in my first article yesterday, so ill send you the link once it's up.

Please excuse me, Halo 3 is calling me again.... (Yes, i bought the Xbox in the end)

Jump Ship

2007-10-14T12:55:00.000+01:00

I've always been a man of principle. Early on in my life, I made a choice, and I have stuck through that choice. But lately, temptation has manifested itself in biblical proportions, and I don't know how long I can hold out. Should I do it? Would it make me a bad person? Would the fun out weigh the guilt I might/might not feel? Would it end up being a huge waste of money?

To buy or not to buy, that is the question....

I'm talking about Halo 3 and the Xbox 360. You see, for my entire gaming life I have been a follower of Nintendo. From the early days of the SNES and the 64 right through to today's Wii, The console I have always owned has been Nintendo, and I have only played other peoples Playstations and Xboxs. But now....as my Wii sits relatively unused, and as Halo 3 calls out from the deep I begin to wonder...should i jump ship? I got the Wii for Christmas so it's not like I'm wasting money (although is it a slap in the face to those who bought it for me?). It's not that I'm abandoning Nintendo either, I'm not, I just really really really want an Xbox right now. I mean just look at what I've got against me, Halo 3, Mass Effect .... loads of decent titles are beginning to emerge on the Xbox. As for the Wii? Zip.... and I reckon because of this I'm losing my motivation to play it. I STILL haven't finished Zelda you know.

Such a Dilemma. Technically I can afford the investment, but it will eat into my student loan considerably, and I don't have a job yet. Also, there is no guarantee my interest in the system will continue in the long term, but then I will have the Wii to go back too. I also have to consider how this will affect my studies. My girlfriend is already worried that she'll never see me again, and I haven't even bought the damn thing yet. So many angles to consider.

One thing I will stick too though, I won't buy it until i have a job........God I hope Empire get back to me soon....

Correction

2007-10-10T16:24:00.000+01:00

Actually, I take it back. My timetable is actually pretty good. I've been bumming about my house since 11 this morning, having only had two lectures in the morning. I have been feeling kind of zoned out today mind....

Oh well.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day....

2007-10-10T00:24:00.000+01:00

Well, this is it. My classes officially started as of yesterday, I'm a (actual) student once again. This is year is going to be different, I can tell.

Apart from the fact that my timetables a bit poo (at first glance anyway, I'm sure a thorough inspection will show that I'm just being silly), and the fact that things will obviously step a bit this year, there are a few other things to consider too. Nerve Radio will probably want me back, I'll have this Editor gig going on...friends to see, Halo 3 to play, and my other secret, my girlfriend. Yes that's right. I have a girlfriend.

I've always wanted to say that. I'll admit, I'm just as surprised as you are. Met her randomly on the Student Union forums as part of my Welcome Crew duties, met up with her when she finally got to Bournemouth, and then we just kinda hit it off. All very exiting.

Anyway, just a quick one today as I'm tired and she wants to go to bed. More soon.

Round 2 - Ed

2007-10-03T17:42:00.000+01:00

Things are beginning to really get into gear lately. Pre-Enrollment talks, purchase of books and stationary, over-sleeping....slowly but surely, i am re-aligning myself to Uni-life. This mainly manifests itself as me literally throwing myself at a brand new task/job.

With luck, and a little persuasion, you could soon be talking to the new Multi-Media Editor for The Wire (for those who missed that update, the Wire is the student newspaper here at Bournemouth). With the print version of the Wire struggling last year, and the website being all but neglected, "the management" feel some changes were in order, primarily expansion and concentration onto the alternative medias. This will mean more focus on the website, and more focus on things like blogs and podcasts, which is where i come in to manage it all. I'll admit, I'm pretty excited.

I've recently held a kind of fascination with podcasts, and have always wanted to get into the field somehow, especially audio ones as it links closely with radio, which i love. I've already come up with several ideas of how the podcasts will play out, so i hope to get stuck in asap.

On a negative note, I've received my timetable for this year. Utter shit. Not one day off. 7 o'clock finish on Thursdays. Awkward times, and worst of all, late afternoon finish on Wednesdays! Everyone is supposed to have Wednesday afternoons off, but we don't. Suffice to say i am very vexed. Oh well, maybe ill do something trendy and blog about it....

Sunshine

2007-09-22T20:07:00.000+01:00

"I don't believe in God"

"Neither did i......but you'll find him. In the Sunshine"

FYI, i do believe in God, always have done, but this is just a quote i liked from the film 'Sunshine'. Very good movie, interesting plot development, especially when, in hindsight, you realise the trailer is slightly misleading, but there ya go. That's not what I'm here to talk about though.

Friday night saw an event which i never knew existed, but which excited me deep to my core. It was (of course) the Bournemouth Fire Festival. Key word there being "fire". I love fire. I take after my dad. Pyromaniacs, the both of us. It makes for good entertainment at parties....that is until someone gets burned.

The fire festival, basically put, was a bunch of pots (set aflame) arranged in weird and wonderful shapes. There were several hand type arrangements, a very cool sphere, rows of flaming pots along the verge, pipes with inscriptions, even a couple guys working these funnels so that they gushed flames every so often. It was quite a spectacle and very...romantic as well. (Yes, i can be a big softy at times). I think my favourite bit was the sphere 'o' fire, that looked good, although apparently i missed some guy twirling flame things about. Damn. Me and a friend of mine made jokes about going around asking anyone for a light, or simply lighting a cigarette off one of the pots. They were burning off pure paraffin by the way.

My Welcome crew duties start tomorrow, so expect an update on that soon(ish). For now, take care.

Our House

2007-09-20T13:09:00.000+01:00

So I'm all moved into my new house. It's quite a big house. Large living room with three sofas, a toilet and bathroom on every floor, spacious kitchen....garden (sort off) and off-road parking. It also comes with a bunch of nutters, myself included. No foods fights as of yet, but I'm sure one can't be too far round the corner, as the last two will be moving in end of the month.

We've had a lot of "squatters" in our house past couple weeks. At one point, there were more people who shouldn't have been staying in the house then there were that should. One of the girls Boyfriends is going to be a permanent squatter this year, he doesn't pay rent, but hes helping with bills so, as long as he behaves I'm happy. Another Girl is putting up a friend of hers whose house won't be ready for another couple weeks, so our shed is full of stuff right now. Another of the girls had some friends over for the weekend, but they're gone now.

That's another thing you may have noticed, there are lots of girls in the house. Barring guests, there is just me, and a very nice chap called Reefe bigging up the male contingent in the house, and reefe is a first year who does his own thing most of the time anyway, so really it's just me (barring Dan "the squatter" Bristow). We even received a bill that was addressed solely to me, since for reason they think reef is a girl.

As far as life in the big brother house goes, its going alright. A few tensions are brewing because of messiness in the kitchen (it's not even me this time) but apart from that, so far so good. My room is nice and spacious too, so, bring on the ladies!

God Speed

2007-09-15T18:16:00.000+01:00

I know what you're thinking. Yes, i am quite funny. What? Oh right....yeah it has been nearly a month since i last posted as well. You'll get over it.

I won't give you a run-down of what I've been doing or anything, wouldn't be very entertaining for you. I know it bores the hell out of me. But i will talk to you about one small incident over the past month, an incident that happened the other day in fact, and it involved me meeting up with my friends.

Now, you might think that this, in itself, is rather boring. I mean it was only us four meeting up in the pub to have a couple of drinks and talk shit for several hours. Something we've done many times before, even without a pub. But what was special about this night was the fact that two of our number, were about to embark on the great journey that is university, and the rest of us, as in me and Immie, were giving them the send off they deserved. It was quite special, even if some of em did turn up late.

I felt sorry for them, to be honest. They'd been stuck at home for a year, doing jobs they hated, waiting for their chance to experience what nearly all of their friends had experienced. Now they can, and so that night was special, because it was the proper send off that we never had last year, when it was just me and Immie going. In a way, this kind of send off is better, because some of us have "been there, done that", so we can alleviate their fears over whats to come. There was also a lot of laughs, usually at my expense, but hey, they earned it.

Here's to a good year guys. Honk.

Life Tokens

2007-08-17T19:09:00.000+01:00

I have decided i am a firm believer in the "token gesture". Especially when playing sports.

I'm not much of a sporty person myself. I don't specialise, I don't support any teams, and stay strictly mainstream, but you will often, from time to time, see me playing football, basketball, my martial arts....even cricket, which i don't like much. No matter what sport i play however, i always seem to do better in Defense, and here is where the "token" defense comes in. Say you're playing basketball, or football, and your on defence, and this guy is coming at you with the ball. Now, for whatever reason, you know this guy is gonna get it by you some how, hes just better then you, but you go in and you make a challenge anyway. Why? Because you're still getting in the way, and you're still forcing him to change his plans. Hopefully, change them enough so that someone much more skillful then you can sweep in and make the tackle.

Same can be said for gaming. I'm a gamer myself, not one of those super-gamers, who make a living out of it and everything, but i play a (Un)healthy amount of games. It's what Uni is for, but say you're playing...Halo, and your in a team, and you find yourself against an enemy, who you know is better then, you still throw yourself at him/her because a) you may just kill them and b) even if you don't you've weakened them enough for someone else on your team to come along and finish them off.

Speaking of Halo, we've finally hooked up my brother to Xbox Live, and we are enjoying it big time. I never thought Halo 2 could be so much fun online, and whats better, not everyone is a super-freak at the game. Of course, on the downside, me and my brother have uncovered some disturbing racial undertones of the game: If you were to explain to a newcomer, how exactly to play Halo, you would simply tell them this: "Kill anyone who is a different colour to you". In a team game, which is always the "Red" team vs the "Blue" team, it subtly teaches combatants the art of racial cleansing. Now there's a cheerful thought.

Started the countdown until Uni-day, I can't believe how quickly time is flying, and i didn't even get any summer romance in. Never mind.

Filling In

2007-08-06T20:58:00.000+01:00

I went to the Dentists today, not the most thrilling experience in my life I can tell you. Don't really like going to the dentist, mainly because i can think of so many other things I'd rather spend my time doing. Also, being 19, I now have to pay £15.90 for every check up, which sucks major wong. Can't even get a student discount. Still, I get to sign my own form now. My brother also came for his check-up, but he can't sign his form, because under-18's aren't deemed to have the mental capacity to use a pen in such an official manner.

Today's visit held a nasty surprise, which came in two phases. Phase one: After poking around in my teeth for all of 2 minutes, he subtly pronounced "you need a filling". I was a little perturbed, but not overly shocked. Phase 2: I noticed the sign saying that i needed to pay £43.60 for it. Now that was shocking.

The worst part of it is i can't refuse treatment. I can't say "Thanks, but no thanks". It might be a little pretentious, but I seriously have no problem letting my tooth collapse in on itself, if it means i save £43. It's not like it's going to kill me anyway. Apparently you get stricken off the NHS register for refusing treatment, aka Blackmail.

Suspiciously enough, my brother (who eats just as much crap as me, and didn't even bother having braces) doesn't need a filling. I have a theory that, upon turning 18 (and thus being required to start paying) several fillings and other assorted dental ailments will suddenly pop up, out of nowhere. Only time will tell.

Wish me luck for tomorrow. Operation "Fill-it" will commence at 14:00 hours. I wonder what will hurt more, the filling of my tooth, or the needle needed to make sure i don't have to feel the filling of my tooth.....

You've got the touch...

2007-07-30T15:15:00.000+01:00

Over the weekend, i went and saw a movie, and not just any movie, the movie.

I had been waiting for this movie for a very long time, waiting in anticipation, in fear, in excitement....this movie would probably make or break the part of myself that refuses to grow up (which, as you may have guessed by now, is a very very big part). I sat down, nervously holding the sides of my seat, tapping my foot in agitation, and trying my best to make diversionary small talk with my two friends who also came to see it. As the opening credits rolled, i braced myself for the worst.

I came out with a huge grin on my face.

The film of course was the Transformers. Best. Movie. Ever. I couldn't have asked for a better remake of my childhood. Sure it seem a little like a generic Action/Drama featuring the Transformers, but who cares? When they were used, they were used brilliantly. The humour was good, the action was better, and the storyline was just what i would expect from a Transformers story. Best part yet, there's going to be more! Huzzah!

Don't worry, i plan to grow up when i hit retirement age.

Hallows and Horcruxes

2007-07-24T15:40:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I bought, read, and finished the final Harry Potter book. I'll admit, it felt like the end of an era. (By the way, i am going to proceed to talk about the book now, if you haven't read it, avert your eyes. Although, to be honest, if you haven't bought it yet, you probably don't care that much anyway)

I never was one of those people who got uncontrollably excited about this book. I didn't camp outside Waterstones in the rain for days prior to the release. I didn't wet myself after reading the first few lines, and i didn't cry a river when people died right at the beginning. Very grim book this one. (Although I nearly, nearly got a bit teary towards the end)

I liked it. I felt it was a very good ending to the series. Part of me wishes certain aspects of it had been developed a bit sooner, like some subtle hints as to what really was going on in slipped into the Half-Blood Prince or whatever, but never mind. It was just almost a bit too...sudden, if you get me. I also didn't like the fact that Harry kept using his link between himself and Voldemort (Which was supposed to be closed down). It just was a little too much like cheating. The reasons for Snape's actions also fit into this critique, because even thought the reasons themselves were quite good i thought, and portrayed quite well in the end, I still wish they're had been some hint in earlier books, but there you go.

The Deathly Hallows themselves were a very interesting concept to introduce. Everyone assumed Harry had to die (which he did) because he was a Horcrux (which he was), the Hollows was the hidden catch to that theory, and once you find out what they are, it becomes clear, and is quite nicely done.

Big fight scene at the end which was quite good., even if it did start to feel like some cheesy high-school reunion moment. I'm glad it ended in Hogwards to be honest. The series started there, it is fitting it should end there too. Death toll is a bit grim mind, you can't help but wonder whether it was necessary for certain people to die, but never mind. I really was like "Oh my god! Not Hedwig!" though...

Yes, a good end to an all round good series. Lets see how the rest of the films match up, shall we?

Ascension

2007-07-22T20:00:00.000+01:00

Despite the grossly inappropriate amount of time i appear to have on my hands, it both puzzles and annoys me that it took me this long to think of something blog-worthy to write about, and even then it is only to comment on how puzzling and annoying the situation is. I must be losing my touch.

I am jobless at the moment, a state of being that is both pleasant, and mind-numbingly boring: I sit around in my room most of the time on the PC, watching DVDs, or both. It is during these times that my mind ascends to a higher plane of existence, time has no meaning anymore, the intricacies of the human form break down, and the senses dissipate....nothing matters, apart from the task at hand. It is only when I've wet myself and my stomach starts ingesting itself, that i realise i have not in fact gone to the next plain. Damn. Time does seem to pass obscenely quick at the moment, with brief reprises in the form of friends, Tae-kwon-do, and Drama.

I saw the latest Harry Potter film yesterday. It wasn't bad, Harry's state of mind was handled better then it was in the book (I so wanted to smack him when i first read it), but to be honest, the film is all about the fight sequence at the end between the Death Eaters and the Order.

I think I'll leave it there for today. I promise I will try to be more frequent....I've got a couple ideas for the next post.

Remember, Remember....

2007-07-02T19:48:00.000+01:00

The human mind is a complex thing. So many disorders are associated with it, Mankind's greatest feats stem from it, and our knowledge of how it actually works is minimal. Memory in particular is one of the biggest mysteries of all. Why? Well.....i forget (buh dum tish)

Anyway, the point is: I'm in trouble.

My step-mom hates me at the moment. Which i find slightly bizarre, because we've always gotten along fine, and i find i tell her things that i never tell anyone else. But now she wants to give me an ear full. Of Spiked Club. What did i do? I forgot my little brothers birthday. (FUCK!) Even I'm pissed off with that...but, what can i do? Whats done has been done, now all I've got to do is wait for that Mace to get me good and proper...

Oh, i forget to mention, i forgot my step-moms AND my Grandmas birthday too....i think I'm on a role.

Requiem

2007-06-23T14:47:00.000+01:00

You know, it's only just sunk in: I have come to the end of my first year at university..... now how did that happen?

I swear it was only yesterday that moved in to Hurn House, and saw Andy there with his tin'o'beans, which he never finished, to my knowledge . That week was the only week in where i have gone out every night, no idea how i managed. Then again, the alternative was to just crawl up into a corner and cry until the reality of my new surroundings sunk in.

University.....Its been an odd experience. Undoubtedly the best year of my life....yet strangely disappointing. I guess i expected too much, of it and myself. Some things don't change i guess.

My hats off to everyone who made it such an amazing experience. If your not sure who you are, don't worry, taking the time to actually spend time with me was enough, so thank you. Bring on the second year.

Opps I did it again...

2007-06-14T19:54:00.000+01:00

Before i start, i just need to get something off of my chest: GRRRRRRR FOR F*&^ SAKE BASTARD DRIVERS!!! )"$%&*"$^%")*£^"*£$^"*£V !!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

Ok, calm.

If you wondering what happened, i had another car crash. Fab. This one wasn't my fault however. It was the car in front of the car in fronts fault, and the stupid bint drove away, leaving me and this other poor women to sort out the mess. To be fair though, i got off lightly. The only reason i can't drive my car at the moment is because one of the lights is broken, apart from that, there's only a big dent in the front. It's all good.

Ironically, that wasn't the most upsetting part. The worst bit of this whole ordeal was that, out of the 9/10 beer glasses i was transporting home from uni, only 3 survived. I nearly cried. My housemates and i worked hard to steal a lot of those, so a lot of emotional attachment was invested in those glasses. But Life goes on.

I'm once again car less though, and it sucks major Wong. Sorry for the lack of updates, i have been settling back into the homeland. More soon.

Summer Love

2007-06-10T16:18:00.000+01:00

I'll give you three guesses as to how I spent the last 24-hours. Go on. No guesses? Oh ok, I’ll tell you then. First off, I’ve been awake for the past 24 hours. For a good 12 - 14 of those hours, I was drunk. For 10 hours, i was in a field. Four of those hours also had me feeling like shit, and I actually had a nap for 3 hours, so maybe I cheated slightly.

Saturday the 9th of June was Bournemouth Universities biggest annual event: the Summerball. Basically, you spend £30 to dress up, go to a field, and spend yet more money on the various amusements, food, and alcohol. It was immense. Some the costumes were really impressive; You had a whole bunch of Spartans from 300 - great shout (There were even some immortals, which was even better). You had Ninja turtles, Tetris Cubes, Vikings....Girls in the skimpiest outfits. (High five to Arse Cleavage). What did I go as I hear you cry? Me, my housemate and some of his friends went as Reservoir Dogs...although we were a couple Dogs short, but what can you do? We looked the shit. You wouldn't believe the amount of "Men in Black" "Blues Brothers" and "Mafia" calls we got though...grarr... It's Reservoir Dogs! Get it right!

But I had a really good time, at least. Ran into some course mates, and even my former housemates. One of them apparently reads these, so if you’re reading this Alex, It was good seeing you again.
I’m now course feeling absolutely brain dead, and would just like to sleep for a few…weeks. High Five.

Club-House

2007-06-07T15:49:00.000+01:00

Why do people go out "clubbing"? I mean, lets look at this logically; You spend say £20 on entry fees and several over-priced drinks, simply to go to some dark, poorly lit room, and get squashed like a sardine. Is it for the music? Well I'll admit, they do play some decent tunes, depending on where you go, but it is very hit and miss. Is it to dance? Well the likeness to a Sardine tends to make that difficult. 'fun'? Well whats fun about being tossed and turned while you melt away.

Me? I'm not sure why i do it. I can think of a few things that are way more fun then clubbing, but in none of those things do you meet girls, which i suppose is the point. i go clubbing in the vein hope that a girl will take notice of me, i mean, that is what's supposed to happen, right?

Last night saw a first in the life-history of Joe - I was the "designated driver" for a night out. Wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, I usually hate being the only sober one. Unfortunately, the bar we went too was a tad crowded for my liking, and i was reminded whenever i saw assholes being assholes why i really do hate being sober on a night out.

Oh i finished my exams by the way...they went alright. Might have to retake a couple, but oh well.

Sorry for the lack of updates.

You knock one down....

2007-05-23T02:00:00.000+01:00

I had my first exam yesterday, it was...interesting. I say interesting, what i really mean is that it was a disaster. I didn't finish either of the questions, and i was actually struck by writers block half way through the second one - basically a case of "Oh fuck, i have no idea where I'm going with this". Oh well, re-sits in August.

Very brief update today, as writers block has once again struck me. And I'm slightly drunk. And its 2:14 in the morning. I'm sure you'll live.

Ciao.

Nemesis

2007-05-19T00:20:00.000+01:00

Do you know what i hate? The Wind. Do you know why? Because it's pushy, it's bossy, it acts like it owns the place, no matter what kind of day it is. Say it's pissing down with rain, your huddled up in your coat, head down, just trying to get to where you want to go without taking the Nile with you, and all of a sudden, here comes the wind saying "Where do you think your going? I think you should go this way instead." Although, since he is speaking in his native tongue, what you actually hear is a great howl, and suddenly you find yourself staggering backwards, or sideways.

Same again on a sunny day, your strolling along, minding your own business, catching some rays, all of sudden, along comes the wind, "Hey Fucker, walk faster!" and suddenly your being propelled forward. Again, to the sound of a great howl. (It's not a very imaginative language, the wind. Beats German or French though.) Whenever instances like these happen to me, you'll often hear my brain shouting "Fuck off!" to the heavens, and of course the heaven's reply "Fuck you!", which sounds oddly like more wind.

I was looking outside today, and it was a perfectly sunny day, but there was wind howling away. I thought "Bastard!", and then along came the cloud, which got rid of the sun, to which i thought, "Fucker!". Then i went to the cinema and saw Magicians and forgot all about it. That film is mental, utterly mental. Funny, don't get me wrong, but completely whack.

Morning Glory

2007-05-15T00:59:00.000+01:00

Lets face it, nobody likes mornings, or to be specific, waking up. Waking up is like eating the last morsels of your favorite meal: It's so good you want it to last longer, you'd rather it wasn't the last morsels, and you sure as hell wish that the drop-dead gorgeous women you were staring at a few minutes ago was real.

Me, i personally hate getting up. My first train of though every morning is "five more minutes"...and then its about 20 minutes later and I'm running late. Fab. Once I'm up, its all well and good, but it's just so damn hard. Think of Sleep like Venom, off Spiderman 3, it clings to you, it doesn't want to let you go, and it makes you act like an emo asshole.

Yeah, Spiderman 3 was ok, bit cheesy in places, possibly too many bad guys, as the reviews say, but I'm not too sure. There was something off about that film that i just couldn't quite put my finger on.

Can't wait for Transformers, it's going to kick ass, then nuke that ass with a 50 megaton missile.

I know, today's update is a bit random, but what can ya do? Peace out.

Good Evening Europe

2007-05-13T20:39:00.000+01:00

That's right folks, it was that time again. Europe's greatest national event, it's finest cultural achievement, and proof that you really can't destroy the Soviet Union: The Eurovision Song Contest.

First inaugurated in Switzerland back in1956, the Eurovision contest was mainly an attempt to test 'Live TV' broadcast technology, as opposed to actually doing something useful, like help unify a post-war Europe. "Never mind that our economy is shot to hell and the Russians are moving in, lets experiment with Television!". To be fair, it is a great show though.

Whilst the format, rules etc... of the show have slowly changed and developed over the years, the basics have always remained the same: A participating country submits a performance with a song. That song is sung live in the Host country, and broadcasted all across Europe, and even the rest of the world, via Live Television. Once all the songs have been sung, the voting begins. And that's where things start going slightly pear shaped.

The problem is, even for something as care-free, cheesy, and just plain naff as Eurovision, politics still manages gets its greasy, back-stabbed hands all over it. This usually rears its ugly head in the form of regional voting blocks, for example: All the former USSR countries, vote for each other - proof that the Soviet Union still lives on. The Balkan chaps also vote for each other, as do the European block. Typically, no-one votes for the UK much these days, because everyone hates us. Except Malta. You should of seen it in 2003/2004 just after we invaded Iraq - nul pwa (0 pints). The song wasn't that bad.

Serbia won it this year, which was gay. The song was crap, and most of us had trouble working out whether the singer was a guy or a lesbian. At least with Ukraine's drag act you knew where you stood, and the song was hilarious. I have theorised that it was only because this is Serbia's first year as an independent state, having just separated from Montenegro. Everyone decided to be nice to it.

At the end of the day though, hats off to another cheese-filled, politically correct year, and to Terry Wogan and his legendary commentating skills. Good night Europe, until next time.

Dance, Dance

2007-05-09T02:04:00.000+01:00

Today, I'm going to talk about a dance, but not just any dance...the dance. The dance that preoccupies most single men and women whenever they come into contact with each other. Yes my friends, that dance: Le Tango de flirting/getting a date.

I've been trying to avoid it recently because, quite frankly I'm no good at it. What little relationships I've had have usually been spontaneous, random, or a disaster. Either way, they never lasted that long and involved little work from either party. A prolonged campaign has never worked. But just recently, i decided to give it another try, for reasons that I'm sure you can guess. She's a very nice girl btw. I won't go into details because, people i actually see on a day-to-day basis may read this....and that's bad. (Which reminds me: must delete this from my Facebook feed as soon as it pops up)

Anyway, I'm not even a few days into the dance (At the moment, its a one man show as far as i can tell) and I'm already despairing. Reason: other people. They complicate things. Especially when packing an ego. I just can't compete, I won't compete, out of general principle...unfortunately, the afore mentioned ego must be surpassed before i can get anywhere...

I guess I'm just working myself up over nothing...i promised myself i was just seeing where this can go...no need to get me knickers in a twist. I promise a more upbeat update next time. Just wanted to get this off my chest. Ciao.

Poker Face

2007-05-06T19:23:00.000+01:00

The amount of poker I've played recently is rather disturbing. The amount of money I have potentially lost had those chips been worth real money is even more so. But it is such a fun game.

I first got taught how to play it properly a couple of weeks ago, by a good American friend of mine. Yes i know, it's hard to believe, but contrary to popular belief, some Americans are decent, and she is one of them. I so kicked her ass.

Then came this Thursday just gone. I went to a little get together with some friends down the road - mini-house party style. There was alcohol, there was truth or dare games (which generally ended in all of us Irish Jigging in the street), and then there was Poker! My American friend put my kicking her ass down to beginners luck, so this was the ultimate rematch of sorts. She wiped the floor with me. Although, to be fair, there was like 6 other people i had to keep and eye on as well, but she was wiping the floor with all of them. I went bust 3 times, and each time, i asked her, "Feeling Generous Whitney?". Which of course, she was, bless her.

After i busted for the 4th, and final time, it was a bout 1:30 AM, there were only a few of us left, and i had an exam that day. So i said my goodbyes, went up the road back to my own house, with the firm and square intention of getting into bed, and going to sleep. Then i realised my house mates were also playing poker, so i decided to muck in with them. Oh dear. It was about several hands, no busts and a few pints of water later, that i realised it was 5AM, that i still had an exam that day (along with a 9AM lecture), and that it was unlikely i was going to get any sleep. So i started giggling.

Finally finished at about 6:30, went to sleep and missed my 9AM lecture, went and did my exam (Fail) and went to another house party that night. Which also involved Poker. I know what your thinking, and yes, i do want my own poker set. I'm not an addict though.

P.s. The picture - I am aware it is from the wrong game. Allow it. Also, I'll see if i can make the updates slightly more regular. Sorry.

Camera Shy

2007-04-30T22:54:00.000+01:00

Why is it that no-one wants to go in front of a camera? It's like the ultimate Taboo these days. I almost got nutted by a guy who didn't actually look like he was going to nut me, simply for asking whether he had 5 minutes to spare; "Well, we are about to just have a cup of tea and just relax, so no." Bastard.

Background: Due to a severe lack of planning on my part (surprise surprise) I had to apply for an extra day of filming for my assessed news package. That extra day was today. Picked up the gear at 9:20ish, picked up my partner in crime/cameraman, a.k.a Ryan, at about 9:40 (traffic was terrible).

The only problem was, i still didn't have an idea for a story (surprise surprise). I was going to do about Bournemouth's Waste Disposal System, and how effective it was (woo) but instead, i ended up doing about the weather. That you right your heard me, the weather. It's a naff story, but its a story, so I'm happy.

Did you know that this April was the hottest it had been for 300 years in England? Hmmm? Bet you didn't, did you? (Don't answer that). But anyway, i did my story on the weather, and how it had affected the seaside business in Bournemouth. Rock on.

Now I've got to type up a 1450 word profile on a women who does Extra work, due in tomorrow. God i love my life.

Live for the weekend

2007-04-27T16:58:00.000+01:00

Just before we begin - No your eyes are not deceiving you, i have changed my colour scheme. Reason? Well if you look at my previous post, you will see it all. Call me suspicious, but i want to limit my association with psychopaths as much as possible. (And no, i am NOT a psychopath, merely eccentric) Saying that, all i did was change the colours, but kept the format. Cheap i know, but what i really want to do is do my own custom thing. Unfortunately, i can't get my head around all this HTML nonsense. Don't suppose anyone can help me with that?

Anyway, its Friday! Yay. I'd say I've got plans, but that would be a lie. I have no plans, never do. Really, the weekend for me is a chance to do what i do normally (mainly nothing) but in a legitimate capacity. You feel less guilty.

Hmmm.....Well, this went well. I can't actually think of a discussion for today. If i think of something ill let you guys know, for now - Have a good one.

The Picture? I have no idea...found it on some other guys Blog.

Mentality of a Blogger

2007-04-26T17:42:00.000+01:00

I had a rather interesting Media and Society lecture today. (M 'n' S is basically a theory unit that looks at how the media theoretically interacts with people, theoretically speaking). It was a revision session on New Media, like blogging, networking and the like. As i case study, we listened to a Podcast about some guy who talked to a fellow blogger from Technocrati, about Kevin Ray Underwood.

For those oblivious to the existence of this person, some illumination for you: He is a 26-year-old man from Oklahoma who kidnapped, killed, and planned to cannibalise a 10 year old girl who lived near him, hes currently facing trial (I think). Basics can be gleaned from Wikipedia. Don't worry, i only found out who he was today as well.

Anyway, this Podcast guy talked with his blogger friend (the names escape me) about ol' Kev, and the stereotypes that come out of it are just hilarious. Apparently, being a virgin makes you psychopath, (shit) as does playing RPG games, (shit) and fantasising (sheeeeeeet). It's also now apparent that Blogging may very well get you laid. (yes!) To be honest, the guys sounded like surfers anyway (duuuude), and talked about how "he was just a normal guy, you know" "bit of a loner, shy, had his first kiss at 22, was a virgin" "He rented the same movies as us though, i mean wow!" - that kind of thing. Jackasses.

Central focus of the interview? The guy was a blogger, had been for several years. Apparently this is a "first", because we now look into the mind of a killer!....yeh, i think not. Looking at his two blogs, the only thing that can be cleaned from his brain is that he knows some Japanese, and that hes an uninspired blogger. (I mean come one, headlines?) I'd just like to note that the fact that his blog has the exact same colour format as me is worrying. Makeover time?

Makes you wonder though, just what is the mentality of a blogger? Can you tell do you reckon? Creepy fact; the randomly generated Blogger question for Kev was about Cannibalism. I bet it was their fault.

Guess whose back, back again....

2007-04-22T21:32:00.000+01:00

Well, I'm back at university. Not sure how i feel about that. Happy, of course, i do like it here, I've missed all my course mate, and to be honest I'm glad to be getting on with it all.....yet, there is always something, right at the back of my mind, that feels like it wants to cry. Leaving home when you've just gotten used to being back is also a bit of a pain.

First day back wasn't all song and joy either, couldn't get a news story for my assessed package. No one wants to go on camera these days.

I would say more, but its quarter to one. This was just to let you know that i haven't forgotten you guys. Ciao. No picture this time either I'm afraid.

The Old Man

2007-04-14T22:06:00.000+01:00

As mentioned in my previous post, i spent a week with the old man, otherwise known as 'Dad'. Early records hint that "Dad" is actually a social title, rather than his actual name, although i have not really done much research into this area. One record i stumbled across whilst nosing through a drawer said that Dad's name is actually Mark, however i have been unable to verify the authenticity of the document - it was an Australian passport after all, you know what those Aussies are like.

Of course that makes me part Australian as well, but you already know what I'm like. Bit of back story for anyone who doesn't know anything about my life, mum and dad split up when i was about 2 and i would go see him about once a month. Its less regularly now that I'm all "grown up" and all, but i try my best. Its kind of surreal, my relationship with my dad, I'm not sure how to define it. Out of the 365 days in the year, on an average yearly basis i see him for less then a quarter of that, bar the phone conversation we have once a week.

He's a very funny man my Dad, I've realised. His sense of humour is just like mine, just more refined. Especially after a drink. For example, here is a "Dadism" that the man himself spoke whilst we were talking about an old Charity he used to work for (where he met my mum as it happens):

"Charity work, it's a lot slaughtering the Muslims back in the crusades - you've just got to have a certain drive for it, a calling"

Probably the best analogy I've heard. Ever.

Another good Dadism was in relation to someone my dad knew, a guy called Andrew:

"He was born in the wrong century; he's the sibling that you don't know what to do with, so you send him away to some newly discovered land to collect beetles, so that when he finally returns, your so near death you don't have to care anymore."

He has a point, Andrew is one of the February Holiday goers, so is naturally mad as a hatter. He comes he sees, he leaves. He's also probably the last remaining "upper class" person in existence. This guy makes the queen look like an Essex Blonde, and he's Anglican, splitters!

Anyway, my dad - funny guy. I'm glad it's his sense of humour I've got, not glad that I've got is receding hairline however. Not cool. I've always wondered what my life would of been like if my Mum and Dad hadn't split. Oh well........shit! two weeks have gone by and I've done one unit of Shorthand....this is bad. Ciao.

Cable Guy

2007-04-11T17:20:00.000+01:00

Apologies for the lack of bloggageness this past week. The reasons are two-fold; A) I was seeing the old man for a week, who has only just discovered the wheel - more to come on that later. B) the Internet at home is a bit dodgy, something about the power level spiking. Whatever it is, it's rather annoying, like a dump that lasted longer then it needed too. I bet you its Virgin Media's fault, things just haven't been the same since the came in.

To top it off, my car broke down, which ill also blog about later - means i can't make a trip back to uni for a decent Internet link.

Oh well, such is life a guess. To balance it out, I'm being fed properly and to a regular schedule, which is rather nice. I'm also not doing much - something which i do alot anyway, but there is something special about not doing much whilst at home. You feel less guilty.

Anyway, this should prove to you that I'm still alive. My apologies to everyone whose commented and i haven't gotten back too, ill be with you shortly. Ciao.

Relative Values: Sister Act

2007-03-26T10:04:00.000+01:00

Pauline Farrell is a 44 year-old Human Resources Manager for the NHS. Her sister, Anne Farrell, is a 46 year old ex-pension expert, who is now unemployed. One is a single mother of two, who is currently seeing someone, and the other is happily married with no children. They both grew up in the same room, with the same brothers, sharing the same Irish heritage, and they both used to wait for their father to come home from work. Despite spending a lot of their adult lives apart, they now both currently live in Crawley, West Sussex, and are closer then ever.

Pauline: We didn’t really do a lot of activities whilst growing up; mum and dad had no money so we had to make do with what was around. We never shared interests as such, but we shared a room and were the youngest two siblings, so we spent a lot of time with each other. We both liked pop music and we used to imitate an old female dance group called ‘Pans People’ a lot. Some of my earliest memories are me and Anne walking the boys to school, this was before we had started school and mum couldn’t leave us on our own and so we had to go with her. As we all got older, I found myself being the only one not at school yet, and I remember trying to teach myself to write – although this was mainly me just jotting together letters and asking if it was a real word. We never disliked each other whilst growing up, but as we became teenagers we never really appreciated each other fully – it’s hard to have a personal life when your sister is in the room with you. I sometimes felt a bit left out, as everyone else were a few years older then me, and I often couldn’t join them whenever they went out. When we became adults, we both went our separate ways, I married and tried to start a life elsewhere, and Anne stayed at home and did pretty much the same. We kept in touched, and visited each other. We are much closer now because we know each other as adults. As children we were just like other siblings – you have good times and bad times but you take your family for granted and you only really get to know them when you are an adult. Anne would do anything to help me, she is so kind and generous. She supported me whenever I had a problem, especially when I became a single mother trying to raise two children. She was one of the reasons I moved back to Crawley. It’s strange though, because from my perception I spent as much time with my cousin Louise as I did with Anne when I was growing up, but it is Anne that I am close to now. It must be her amazing hand-crafted cards

Anne: One of my earliest memories with Pauline was when we helped mum walk the boys to school; we did it a lot since we couldn’t be left alone in the house. One day Mum was running late so she had to quickly put a coat around me whilst I was still in my pyjamas. So there I was, sitting on top of the pram with Pauline in it, in my pyjamas. It was very embarrassing. Me and Pauline did most of our activities together at school, since coming from a poor family meant there wasn’t much money to actually to go out and do things. However, I started flower arranging through the church and Pauline joined the Ifield Barn Theatre, which reflects some of the differences in our personalities. Around the home, our fondest shared memories seem to be of Dad, as we both used to spend a lot of time with him. Dad used to play with us a lot. He would lie on the floor and we would stand on his hands and we would catapult over his body and land at his feet. We would also Dress up and doing ‘impressions’ to entertain him. Mum would also take us shopping to Brighton on a Saturday, while the others stayed at home. As we grew up, I think we were so used to being together that we took each other for granted, although I defiantly did not appreciate her walking in on some intimate time with my boyfriend when I was a teenager. However once we started to live apart, we grew much closer together as we appreciated each other. I have no regrets about our relationship as adults; however I would have loved to have lived closer to Pauline while her boys were babies. I used to love it when they came to visit and was always sad when they had to go home. Now of course she lives just down the road from me, but her boys are no longer babies, they are still a credit to her though. I respect Pauline a lot, especially the way she coped when she was a single parent. I know I can rely on Pauline 100% and I trust her completely. I know she will support me whatever I do (no, I haven’t murdered anyone!) and her help and advice is invaluable.

By Joe Robinson.
Before anyone asks, these wonderful ladies are my mum and my aunt, respectivley.

To Kick an Arse

2007-03-19T23:59:00.000Z

Dictionary.Com defines Ass-kicking, or to be precise, the verb Ass-kick, as 'to kick ass.' Joe has been doing a lot of this lately, and is feeling rather smug with himself. Lets go down to his natural habitat to try and find out whose arse he has been kicking.

Last weekend, Joe was in a spot of bother. He had an essay to do which was very overdue, he had another piece of work to do as well, he knew he was going to fail his shorthand exam, and in general, the weekend was pretty pants. However, being the resilient individual that he is, Joe rose up to the challenge. He kicked the arse of that overdue essay, handing in Monday morning. He then kicked the arse of the second piece of work, which he handed in Tuesday morning. He still failed his short hand exam on Friday, but he had done better then he usually did, so hes quite happy about that too.

Joe has also been kicking ass on Nerve FM, reading the drive time news. Doing two bulletins every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Joe is very pleased with himself over this, as it is very nerve racking. (no pun intended)

But this is not to say that Joe is the only one kicking ass, this film also kicks ass.

As does this song.

So much ass has been kicked this weekend, that the proverbial shape of the worlds ass has now been turned in on it self. That's a whole lot of ass kicking. Stay tuned.

Here endeth the lesson

2007-03-17T14:02:00.000Z

Again, i apologise to my loyal readership for the lack of updates this past week. Things have been "busy" to say the least. And i just realised yesterday that my life is in a bit of a mess. Not a thing you would think you could fail to pick up on, but hey, i spend my life being different. So now, as i right this update to you in my "break", I'm delicately balancing all the tasks i need to complete before the weekend is out. Sucks being me sometimes.

Anyway, can't wait to see 300, looks pure Guinness. Little bit miffed at the whole added mystical beast element, and those deformed people? Just no. But i shall look past them, and just enjoy the pure violence that epitomises the film. I should have been a spartan.

In Other news, Nerve FM has launched! yay! Tune in to 87.7 if your in the Bournemouth/Dorset area, and if not, got to www.nervemedia.net and listen in, because its top quality stuff, even for students. Listen closely on a Monday, Wednesday and a Friday during drive time and you may even here yours truly. Anyway, i hear that essay calling to me, best go sort it out. Aufwiedersehen.

Brain Freeze

2007-03-11T20:21:00.000Z

The observant reader will have noticed by now that i have not updated for a couple days. This is true. I'd like to say i've been busy, that some cataclysmic event has physically stopped me from speaking to my loyal fa base. But to be honest, i just couldn't think of anything to say. My mind went blank for a while, all the creativity and atmosphere replaced by a white sheet, with a stick man sitting in the middle, pondering the meaning of his 2-dimensional existence whilst playing tetris on a stick game boy.Well, journalistic material has been sparse latley, pure because i can't be bothered to do any, so some more life updates and musings for you.

Hopefully, my article will make it into the paper, in some shape or form. Once it has, i shall update about it, and post a version of it up for you. Watched some films today; The Untouchables, a period film about Al capone and Prohibition, and Trainspotting, a film about some scottish smackheads. Your probably waiting for some clever and witty connection, well there isn't one. It just so happens i had seen neither film before, so, lacking any motivation to do real work, i decided to knuckle down and fry my brain.

....Do you know what, i had a hell of a lot more planned out for this update. So much for that.

In the public interest...

2007-03-06T15:30:00.000Z

You hear that phrase allot in my profession-to-be. We must know the facts, because it's in the public interest. You must tell us why, for the public interest. Paris, strip naked for us now, in the name of the public interest! I had a lecture today on how to get difficult people to give interviews, for the public interest, obviously.

The question is, who decides what the "Public Interest" means? Obviously not the public, because they're just morons. I think it is implied then that we, as Journalists, representatives of the people and upholders of the "fourth estate", have to decide for you. Hmmm. To be honest, if the public interest is left down to the likes of me and my friends, then the public should be worried. Hell, I'm worried.

Talked to mother dear yesterday, it appears we have lost SkyOne, and as a result, BSG. I think i may cry. Then launch a Jihad against both BSkyB AND Virgin Media for being knobs. garr. That show was the best show ever, and now i can't even record it. *sigh* I bet this was in the "Public Interest" and all. Bastards.

Fight Club

2007-03-05T14:48:00.000Z

Yesterday was probably one of the longest days I've ever had. Ever. Started the day at 5:30 am, and didn't go to sleep until 2 am this morning. Thank God for days off.

Why partake in such madness you ask? Well Sunday was the date of the World Tae-Kwon-Do Federation's 21st Annual Student National Championships. (oooo) Our University club went up to Bristol to compete and win us some medals, and i went along, as a club member. (Didn't compete this year, for various reasons, but suffice to say i would of kicked arse if i had competed.) It was like a mini road trip, and was genuinely a great day, despite it's length.

We did alright in the end, coming away with 3 sliver medals and 2 bronze. I would of won Golds, obviously, but alas my feet could not grace the arena this year. I'll own the competition at some of the other tournaments that will spring up. The Picture (again, amazing what you can do with Paint) was taking by Moi, i think the guy in the red was from our squad. Can't actually remember though.

On the flip side, i decided to take my notepad with me, and turn the whole event into an article i plan to try and get put into the local paper, go me. It's all written up so I've just got to find my lecturer, and ask him to work his magic with the editor. I might put it up here in a couple days so watch this space.

In other news: Richard Branson and James Murdoch are taking over Britain, one living room and business share at a time. And now the two media titans are locked in an immortal struggle for our souls, and our viewing time. You might of heard that Virgin Media customers have now lost all the Sky channels because of this. Personally, i haven't been affected yet, because i don't get SkyOne here anyway, but if i go home, and find out that we've lost SkyOne, and as a result, Battlestar Galactica well.....*cocks shotgun* i think it's time to call another Jihad. So say we all.

The simple things

2007-03-03T15:41:00.000Z

Despite being a man of incredible intellect and wit, I do enjoy the simple things, the little things in life. The quirks, traditions, and sayings of other people have always interested me in particular, because it's different. I like different.

These days, my main influx of quirky sayings and phrases come from the many books, comics, films that I watch/read. Take the chap above for example (It's amazing the things you can do with Paint.) He is from the Warhammer universe, Warhammer being a table top game invented by Games Workshop. In this afore mentioned universe, there are many worlds, each potentially with its own traditions, sayings, culture, and..... swear words. Swear words have got to be my favourite. Don't ask me why, there just cool. Swearing in a foreign language is cool.

It's just the attention to detail that I find so appealing about it. I mean these are people in another place and time, why would they have the same sayings we do? They fraking wouldn't, that's why. (See what I did there, did ya? Did you see what I did there? Just checking...) so next time you want to swear at someone, be creative, be different, be cool.

In other news: My feet are killing me. Seriously, I think they might fall off. Too much of this. A lot of fun though, it’s good to get back into it (long story). Hope you enjoyed the article I posted up yesterday, I thought it was about time to get another one of those up. That disclaimer at the top was originally at the end of the article, until I nearly gave a friend of mine a heart attack because she thought it was real. oops.

The dryer didn’t dry my clothes properly again, stupid kek. *grumbles*

Driver saves children from horrific crash

2007-03-02T11:10:00.000Z

*This is a fictional story. It was another "rolling" exercise that i did this morning. So to recap, this didnt really happen. I pulled the picture off the internet.

A bus driver displayed tremendous heroism in Bournemouth today – after a horrific fatal head-on car crash with Joyriders.
Hugo Waller-Prynn, 59, was driving a bus full of school children from Alumhurst road when he was hit by a speeding car coming round the bend, crashing head on into the front of the bus.
Despite having a broken arm, burns, tinnitus in the head and ears as well as other cuts and bruises, Mr Waller-Prynn managed to drag himself out of the ruined cabin, and herd all of the school children safely off the bus. The children only suffered minor injuries, with a few being described as “walking wounded”.
The driver of the car was a 13-year-old boy out for a “Joyride” in his dad’s Lexus, and was travelling at about 70 mph as he came round the bend. Both him and his 11-year-old passenger were both pronounced dead at the scene.
In an interview, Mr Waller-Prynn commented that he thought he was “going to die” and that he would “never forget” the “look on the other drivers face before we collided”. He also commented how the kids behaved “very well” as he herded them out of the bus.
Mr Waller-Prynn had been working for the bus company, Wilts & Dorset, since he was 15. He had been due to retire today and Mr Waller-Prynn said he had been looking forward to retiring with his wife to Swanage. When asked if today’s events had spoilt his retirement, he replied, “I just feel sorry for the kids in that car”.
All of the children have been treated for their injuries, and Mr Waller-Prynn is still set to retire after his injuries have been healed.

By Joe Robinson

Reprive

2007-02-27T18:50:00.000Z

Well, i was going to do an update today, but i won't. Can't be bothered, too tired, and feeling a little down again.

In the meantime, enjoy watching me pretending to be a hobo.

Whats in a name?

2007-02-26T12:24:00.000Z

You know one impression I've received about my blog, (Other then that it rocks everyone's socks, obviously) is that people are not quite sure what my name means. I had an American once ask me what does "Geeser" mean in the context I'm using. Maybe i should of thought harder about the name.

Well, to be honest, it was an off-the-cusp wordplay that i thought up in the 30 seconds i had to think of a blog name, before my lecturer had me shot for being too slow. Ever seen the film Memoirs of a Geisha? Nah, me neither, but i thought to myself: "Blog" "Like a journal" "My 'memoirs'" "Memoirs of a bloke" "Bloke = Geeser" "Geeser sounds like Geisha, from that film I've never seen" "Well that's clever, I'm using that" And viola, you have Memoirs of a Geeser, which i thought i was in a general sense. Although apparently I'm "too young" to be a Geeser.

Maybe I'm just too clever for my own good. Yes, that must be it. It's obviously not that i come up with naff word plays, or ill conceived ideas. I'm just too clever. Yes. Too clever.

In other news; I'm going to a meeting today with the Editor of The Wires' online version. He wants me to do some blogging on it, so watch this space. (All very exciting). Oh, the picture? yeah i couldn't be bothered to find a themed one today, so i thought I'd put that up to underline the following point; yes, i am a driver. Fear me.

Stuck with you.

2007-02-25T12:32:00.000Z

I've decided to add a new sponsor. As of today, Joe Corp. is proud to announce that it will be supported by: The Past. (See the bottom of my blog for a full list of sponsors.) As one of the older institutions, The Past is committed to provide quality service, based on traditional values. It provides sound service by sticking with you no matter where you go, its cheap, easy to apply and to add to, and it promotes equality across its membership, since, not matter how good or bad you are, it will always haunt you in your dreams. Now that's what i call service.

It's not a good idea to dwell on the past, i mean, what's done is done and there's not a lot you can do to change it. But you can still cringe at it from time to time. That's what happened to me the other night. I keep getting these rushes of all the stupid things I've done over the years, whilst I'm trying to sleep...not quite what I'd call entertainment. I was drunk in a lot of them, which is no surprise. I always do stupid things when I'm drunk. I'm either confrontational, depressing, or a mixture of both. This one incident, i hacked off a group of lads looking for a fight, and they chased me and my friends. They weren't too pleased about that.

Despite being a not-so-average clever person, it's amazing how stupid i have been over the years...i blame the parents to be honest. Even my parents blame the parents. It's all their fault. They should know better then to try and nurture and care for me during my upbringing. Then again, I've had my share of not-me-induced awkward moments too, although those were of a more intimate nature, and as such, are none of your beeswax.

Watched The Truman Show again yesterday. Love that film. Strangely enough, i had watched an episode of Spooks (BBC MI5 spy drama) just before that, which was also along the line of false realities and how easily our minds accept what we're presented with. Got me thinking. I do that a lot you know. I was going to blog about it, but i changed my mind. Bit too deep for a mere blog.

Still no sign of bike, and I'm now in desperate need of a shower. I think i may drive the local wildlife into extinction any minute now. I know what your thinking, and yes, my pic is of a T-shirt, and yes, i do own it. (and yes, i am way cool.)

Good Night, and Good Luck.

University: First contact

2007-02-23T21:51:00.000Z

By Joe Robinson

Expect anything. This would be the first piece of advice I would give to any prospective Uni student; expect anything. Other tips would be; stay calm, open up, make friends, get to know your flat mates, your local area…and spend the first couple of weeks drunk, it helps pass the time.

No matter what people say, nothing can quite prepare you for university life, no matter how many you talks you have, how much advice you get, workshops, even visits can’t quite prepare you for the real thing, it’s one of those things you just need to go out and do. So expect anything, because for the first time in your life, you are on you are truly on your own, independent, by ya onesies, alone, and do you know what? It can be scary. I was scared, but I did the only thing you can do; bite the bullet and made some new friends. Because the worst possible thing you can do is end up being a recluse, it doesn’t help you or anyone else, and trust me, it’s the worst feeling in the world.

I would be lying to you if I said my time here has been perfect, because it hasn’t. As the saying goes, “shit happens”, and it happened to me. My first accommodation was Halls of Residence, and these particular halls were unique, as they were basically flats consisting of 18 people. Now, do you really expect to throw 18 random people together and hope that they all get along? It doesn’t work. By the time I got to Christmas, I had moved out. Now I’m living with 3 guys, and I’m having the time of my life, all is well. But don’t let my little episode put you off, as I said, expect anything. Despite my troubles in the first term, I still had fun, because there is more to Uni then your flat mates; there’s you’re course-mates, your course itself, other friends that you make during your time. Here’s another tip for you: when you have chosen which universities you want to go to, see if they have a forum somewhere, where new students can meet each other and talk. I met some of my greatest friends here on the SUBU forums. Try it.

Another key issue is money; money makes the world go round, it makes YOUR world go round when you’re a student. So start saving. Now. I mean it. The more you go into Uni with, the easier it will be on you. A job is also helpful, but don’t go nuts. I had to quit my job because I didn’t have any time to myself, but I could quit, because I had been smart with my money. Don’t wait until you get to Uni to find a job though, because that’s just stupid. If you have a job with a retail chain, see if there’s a local unit, and get a transfer. It’s what I did. You’ll probably get told to budget, my response to that is, if you can be bothered, do it, if you can’t (like me) just be sensible. Keep an eye on your money reserves; try not to buy unnecessary things. If you must have the latest Muse album, try and find it cheap.

What else? Eating is essential, I recommend you eat at least once a day, otherwise you might die. Knowing how to cook one or two meals also helps, as you can take turns with your housemates and cook for each other, although not everyone is into that, so don’t be put off if you’re cooking for yourself most of the time. Whilst at Uni, you may get struck by random bouts of Nostalgia. As I type this out to you, I’m looking at an Optimus Prime Transformer figure I bought. Don’t worry, it happens. Don’t be put off if your room is small/grimy/depressing. If it’s liveable, you’re ok. A car is not always essential. It depends on your circumstances. I happened to take my car, but now that I’ve quit my job, I don’t use it as much as I used to. Waste of Money? Maybe, but I can afford it, so I’d rather have it around.

Some final thoughts for you: If you thought you were smart before, prepare for a shock. Remember your now entering a selective environment. The people around you are there because they are just as smart, or smarter, then you are. Don’t be put off. Do your best. Remember, they wanted you there. Missing the occasional lecture will happen, but don’t make a habit out of it. Strangely enough, you WON’T get a degree by not going to lectures. Last but not least, enjoy yourself. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do, don’t hang around with people your uncomfortable with, and don’t bite off more then you can chew. Remember, you’re there for you, no-one else. (Although for god’s sake, PLEASE work hard at your degree, you're there for that too.)

Wires, sinks, and the bike that was.....

2007-02-22T18:43:00.000Z

The new issue of "The Wire" is out today. For those who are un-knowing, the Wire is my universities student-run newspaper, for whom i write for (all very exciting). Yes, there is an article by yours truly in there, not front page, but never mind. I guess a sponsored sleep-out isn't that important really. The wire has an online counterpart, which i have yet to get into, check it out here.

In other news: My bike has been stolen, which i was rather annoyed about. Was walking to my house yesterday, glanced at where my bike should of been, only to realise it wasn't there anymore. Poo.

Today's picture is a tribute to the wonderful invention that was, my bike. Incidentally, the bike in the pic is not mine, i found it online somewhere.

Finally, my kitchen sink is blocked, rendering me unable to cook anything, because all the pans, plates etc are dirty. Hoo-rah.

Political Correction

2007-02-21T17:52:00.000Z

We interrupt your regular broadcast for this special announcement:

The government, in response to the tremendous opposition by minorities over the state of the English language, have put into place various policies that will help Britain become a truly Multi-national country.

'Black' people, will no longer be referred to as 'black people'. 'nigger' and 'negro' have also been banned, except within the city limits of New York.

"Ethnic" is also not allowed, as it does injustice to the Muslim communities, and "darkies" as been deemed not cool enough. These names are being put on what is to be referred to as the "black list", and the black population is now to referred to as the "Caucasionally challenged". Similarly, the "black list" is to be renamed the "caucasionally challenged" list.

Muslims are not to be referred to as "terrorists" unless they have a bomb strapped to them, and then only behind their back. Also, in order to alleviate fears that the Muslim populace is being picked on, Police officers are to ignore whatever it is the Muslims, or the "Christianically challenged"as they shall now to be called, are doing. This also includes instances in where they need aid, to address the balance.

"Christmas" is now to be known as the "Winter festival", unless your a pagan, where it will be called "Feast of the unholy one". Any foreigners coming from Europe to work, must be played along with, and as such, we must all pretend to know what they are saying.

Tomatoes, when in the presence of actual fruits, and other citrus-filled substances, are to be called the "citrusly impaired". Also, in order to avoid the contentious issues one has when a person says "God", He shall now be referred to as the "existentially challenged one". Any Christian denomination that is not the Roman Catholic Church shall now be called "splitters".

Third world and developing countries are now the "economically challenged", and any country with a nuclear weapons program is now "mentally challenged". In order not to offend actual mentally challenged persons, said persons are now known as "retards". Actual retards will be hunted down and shot, to save us having to come up with another name.

This concludes this special broadcast. We now return you to your regular programming.

*Inspired by the beautiful and charming Loz, who commented that black people really were caucasionally challenged.

Just Communication?

2007-02-19T22:55:00.000Z

Well, I've done it again. I've managed to completely, utterly, and profoundly offend someone so much that they don't want to speak to me. Ever. I'm not going to name names, because i still respect this person, regardless of what she now thinks of me. Doh.

Now i know what your going to say, "think before you speak", right? Well the problem is, this time, i did. I responded to a question that was asked, and i thought about this question, and i responded, using a logic that only i would use. Apparently its sick and twisted.

I rather object to that, i just have a certain way of looking at things. Does it make me a bad person? I would never do anything to deliberately harm anyone, or support anyone who harm others...but, certain situations are beyond our control, so why bother?

Oh well, all a man can do is move on. It's kind of funny though, this person has systematically erased all proof of my digital existence from her sphere of influence, i could almost smile to that.

Strangest thing of all: I'm genuinely upset by this. Despite not knowing said person for very long, i liked her, respected her...she helped me alot. Now, she thinks I'm monster. Maybe i am? Who knows....even my course mates think my reasoning is strange.

I hate it when this happens.

A few cogs short of a hand-basket.

2007-02-18T20:36:00.000Z

You can actually ignore most of that title, just take with you the keywords "short" and "hand" and you have today's topic: Shorthand. It's not topical, it's not controversial (well...) or even politically incorrect, its just difficult, and it consumes most of my time. So i thought I'd take a break from it and talk to you about this wonderful skill.

Shorthand is something Journalists use to take down notes from interviews and the like, quickly and efficiently, to be transcribed back into longhand at a later date. (It does actually work). Secretaries and office people also use versions of shorthand, like 'Pitman' and 'Gregg', however UK Journalists tend to use a form called Teeline', which is more suited,but not the best known version of the art. It is based on the standard alphabet, and things such as vowels and silent letters are omitted for quick read and write-a-bility. So i word like reach in shorthand, will have the shorthand letters rch in it, to form the word. Context is a key thing with this.

When you look at it, you tend to think "it's like learning another language"...well it is, and it's just as annoying as learning another language, mainly because there is always, always, an exception to the effing rule. Last time i learned a language, it nearly ground me into the dirt, and i had to give it up. This time i have no such luxury.

On the plus side, it's kinda cool. You can write down secret messages to your friends, or even just doodle. The other day i wrote my friends birthday message in shorthand....and then scribbled around it with translation notes for her. She liked it though.

I best get back to it now. Once you've got the theory nailed down, its not so bad. As a present, i leave you this:

Brownie points to whoever works it out. (ask nicely and i may provide a hint)

How remiss.

2007-02-16T00:55:00.000Z

You know i realised earlier that i didn't send out a valentines day message on the day? How remiss of me. Well to be honest it rarely registers these days anyway. Ive been alive 19 years, and Ive celebrated a grand total of 0 valentines days, sad, but true. I might recognise that there's an increased amount of red and pink things all of over the place, but that's about it... i had a meeting on the day as it happens, then did some Tae-kwon do.

However, in the spirit of things, let me just wish everyone a happy valentines day (belated, i know) and for those that don't have one, like me; chin up, you never know what might happen during the next year.

Keep it real.

Your it....well, maybe not.

2007-02-14T16:03:00.000Z

Did anyone ever watch Newsround? Me neither. Saw it the other day though, i should so be on that show. Top story tonight: Tag has been banned in the playground, on grounds that it is "too rough" and "unsafe" for the children, other games like Bulldog have also been band.

Well you might as well stop them stepping out side. I mean please, tag? All you can do is fall over, and that happens plenty of times without tag in the equation. (Humanities' sense of balance not being what it used to be.) I noticed that the report also said that games such as football, and cricket (which involves big wooden bats) have not been banned. Much safer, obviously. Cute little interview with one of the school kids though, "playtime is boring now, we can't do anything". I feel your pain my miniature com padre, i really do. Used to love bulldog myself.

In other news: Had a meeting today with some guys down at the Student's Union. Nerve Radio is going to be going out live come march :) so stay tuned. You may even here yours truly doing a news broadcast. Check out Nervemedia at http://www.nervemedia.net

And the weather today: slightly detached from reality today, not sure why. Usual bouts of south-westerly sadness and frustration, and a Storm front of un-appreciation and gloominess set for sometime tonight. As always positive spells will wink in and out throughout the day.

Coming up next: watch me shave.

The Febuary Holiday

2007-02-12T15:47:00.000Z

Family traditions, I feel, are one of the finer things in life. Having an activity, or a place, that you always go to each year… gives a sense of stability to ones life.
Over the weekend, I went on such an activity. Every year, me and my family spend a week in a holiday cottage somewhere with several of my mums oldest and greatest friends. It was them, who actually started the annual holiday, and they've been doing it for 21 years now, and I’ve been doing it all my life. They actually worked out that they had spent a total of 6 months of their lives with the same people, and agreed that it had suitably scarred them for life.
The cast of this motley crew of middle-class misfits is a combination that can do nothing other then produce hilarious results. We have Greg, the quietly eccentric Mancunian. Chris and Dave, a witty middle-class gay couple, Claire, the mad Irish women, Phil, a very down to earth Jordie man, Andrew, whose very quiet, very-upper class, and who comes, says hello, and then leaves again. There’s also Alison, who’s a middle class nurse, probably not the funniest of the lot, but adds that essential element of blondness. Then of course there’s me and my family, who are, it can be said, local legends. (Despite the fact that it is a different location each year.)
This year, we went to Leek, in Staffordshire, to a Cottage just remote enough to be in the middle of nowhere, yet close enough to a town so that we wouldn't get bored shitless. Sadly, the nearest pub was two miles away. Me and my family could only stay the weekend mind, since the weeks were dodgy this year, but i still had fun. Before we even got to the cottage, the Car had gotten stuck at the bottom of steep road it couldn't climb because of all the snow. So we had to leave it there and walk the remaining 5 minutes. I tell you, i could of gone home right then and still have had a good time.
Next year will probably be just as fun…more so, in that hopefully ill be there all week this time, but until then, th ththththtthh thats all folks.

Oh, and I know what your thinking, and we are way cooler then Big Brother.

How old are you?

2007-02-08T21:39:00.000Z

Physically or mentally?

It seems the older i get, the younger my mind wants to be. As i sit here typing this out to you, my eye gets drawn towards the Optimus Prime action figure i asked (thats right, ASKED) for christmas. I get hit by moments of nostalgia now and again..especially when it concerns the Transformers. That show was the shiz. (Movie out, March 07! See it!)
My dad maintains that he is still 12, which is probably were i get this "childish" streak from. Whenever im at home, i act like a kid...then again whenever im here i act like a kid, but more sophisticated. I also have a child-like mentality in that, i find it hard to concentrate on things i relly should be doing. Again, my eye gets drawn to the shorthand noteback lying next to me, which i was working on until i decided to do todays blog. Oh well, better wrap this up. I did say to my teacher i'd have this done by tommorow.

Do you want to live forever?

2007-02-07T22:46:00.000Z

I do. Not to be famous or anything, just want to live forever really. It'll give me time to catch up on all the work I’m behind on.
I went and saw FAME today. It was being performed by students here at the university. Naturally given the time, space and everything they were restricted by, it was a bit of a truncated version, but I had never seen any version of it. I was impressed.
I grew up around amateur dramatics, and I appreciate how hard it can be, but it was bloody good, singing, acting everything in general really. Sure, it you good pick holes in it, and be left with a huddled, twitching sack of meat, instead of a performance...but what’s the point? They gave it there all, and to be honest, taking everything into account, they did bloody brilliant. A course-mate of mine was in it....God knows why he chose Journalism.
I will say this though: I noticed a lack of ethnic diversity in the cast. Not that I care, but a sad, cynical person might pick up on that. Even the black character was white.

The power of children

2007-02-06T12:53:00.000Z

"It's very odd, what happens in a world without childrens voices"

This quote is from director Alfonso Cuaron's Children of Men, which i saw for the first time last night. (Bought it on DVD as part of Monday's operations) Ill tell you this, straight of the bat, its bloody good.
Its one of those intriguing films that takes a glimpse into the not-so distant future, and tells the story of a world filled with terror, destruction, despair, oppression....all the usual rackets, bar one: Children. The Human Race has become infertile, and for the past 18 years, there have been no children. (Which naturally sent the world to pot.)
The story begins with the main character, portrayed by Clive Owen, in a coffee shop watching a news story on how the youngest person, aged 18, has just died. Said coffee shop is then blown up a few minutes later. The rest involves Clive Owen's character getting unwittingly drawn in to perform "escort duty" for a girl, who it later turns out is pregnant (shock horror). From then on in its a nerve-racking escape to the coast, as anyone and everyone wants to get there hands on the baby for their own agendas, and the lil tot is actually born towards the end.
Camera work for this film is nothing by spectacular, with Cuaron pulling out all the stops to shoot the film in such a "realistic" way. A trademark of the film is seamless, uncut sequences that last 10/15 minutes, that really add to the atmosphere and the sense that its happening. Yet this is not the best this film had to offer.
For me Ladies and Gentlemen, this film boiled down to one, simple, beautiful scene. Ironically, it's not one of Alfonso's seamless sequences, nor does it contain any outstanding acting (as such), but it’s still magical. Picture this:
Bexhill: a grimy, decaying town, outlined as one of Britain’s many Refugee camps where all outsiders are shoved inside like sardines. It is the ultimate symbol of what the world had become, very reminiscent of a war-town town from World War II. The Scenario: The refugees (lovingly named 'Fugees' in this film) are having an "uprising" within the camp, and the Army has been sent in to deal with it. There is fighting everywhere, on the streets, in the buildings, Army guys duking it out with the militants, smoke, blood, death....Owen and the girl are trapped inside a building with militants, a tank is outside battering the place in, the soldiers storm the building, they see the baby....and then it stops. The Soldiers, the militants, the death…it all stops. And for what must be 5 glorious, breath-taking minutes, there is peace. As Owen leads the girl outside, everyone just stares at the baby, some even pray. Then of course some twit lets of a grenade whilst everyone is distracted and it all goes to pot again. For me, this scene did it, it really captured the essence of the film and was one of the best moments of the film.
Yes, it is very odd what happens to a world without children’s voices...but just look what happens when those voices return.

And the headlines today....

2007-02-05T16:15:00.000Z

I went shopping in town today, for the first time in a gillion years. It's good to finally have time to yourself you know, even if its purely for the sake of spending money you really should be saving.
Was going to go cash that check in that mum gave me a month ago, but, typically, when I got there the branch was closed, and an ambulance outside. Apparently the manager was dieing or something, so it rendered the rest of the staff impotent.
Oh well, it'll keep another week. I did pick up some DVD's and some music that I wanted, so I came home happy. I also had a Burger King for lunch, which I hadn't done in a while...it doesn't seem to taste as nice these days.

Your probably wondering what this all has to do with the title? Well i also picked up a copy of the Guardian, had some amusing headlines:

Richard Branson wants our homes...and possibly our babies
- NTL has been re-branded Virgin Media, and cable/satellite TV companies across the world are about to enter a state of Total War.
Clubs are enforcing stricter clothing guidelines
- You now can't wear any hoodies, any stripy shirts, and not too much dark material, nothing that could symbolise "gangs" or "trouble".... Nightclubs set to become top nudist hotspots.
Bird Flu outbreak in Suffolk
- it's a complete mystery, but might have something to do with the Hungarians (Damn their hides).

Well I thought they deserved a chuckle. Back to the studio

CV: Your life, your future - all on a few pages

2007-02-04T17:59:00.000Z

My first day of Unemployment, and god did it feel good. Slept in till like 1 o’clock, which i haven't done in ages, then had myself a fry up. Lush.
Then decided to update my CV, which I hadn't touched since Argos employed me over a year ago - well when you've got a job, there’s no need really is there? I've never had much success with these things, I try to make myself look good, but I guess it rarely works. How can you sum up someone in two pages anyway? (By writing a decent CV, they chorus) yeh well...this time My CV is going to rock their socks. I've actually lived since the last time I wrote it, so I’ve got oodles to draw on.
That’s about it for today… bit of boring day to be honest, but who cares. (Me) Who said that!? *throws rock*
Until next time.

Adaptation: An Origional Thought

2007-02-03T21:13:00.000Z

I think I’ve had a semi-revelation. Came out of arguing with a friend of mine, silly argument really, but anyway, i don't think i often have original ideas…and I’m trying to figure out whether this is a bad thing or not.
Take my first ever blog, the first line, and the general idea, came from a sketch in "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"....some of the titles for my personals have come from Muse songs....in life, I find myself taking an idea, joke, whatever that I really like and using it in my own way, either adapting it, or whatever......i wonder if this means I lack originality? According to my friend, I’m "smart" and should be "beyond theft". God, maybe he’s right for once. Cheers Gav.
seems such a silly thing to be pondering about...I am who i am, and its served me well enough so far (in some areas anyway)....Take this blog as a kind of disclaimer then: Not everything you see here may come directly from me, but i try to make it as original as possible.

The Goods, the Bad Stock, and the Ugly Customers....

2007-02-03T18:32:00.000Z

"Dont shop for it, Argos it!"
I nearly cried when i first heard that, be honest, it's a bit lame isn't it? Anyway: I have now left employment from Argos Retail Ltd. (formerly a memebr of some other uber-company) I didn't get laid off or anything, i quit. I needed the break..these days im on a 7 day week; 5 at Uni, 2 at Argos, and it does get a bit tiring after a while...so i left. Ill miss it, ill probably even regret it somewhere down the line, but what can ya do? the way i see it, apart from getting a degree im here at uni to have fun..and thats not happening right now, and i cant exactly quit uni can i? so the job goes...Ill be ok though, unlike my compadres here at Bournemouth Uni, ive been quite conservative with my money.
Speaking of Conservatives, Cameron has been badgering Tony Blair to leave office, again. He claims it's now in the "National Interest"....hes probably right. I mean even i think Blair is hanging on a bit now. Oh well. On with the show....

Politics: Tales of Apathy

2007-02-02T17:29:00.000Z

Britain as become an apathetic country when it comes to politics it seems. Turn out rates at the elections are low, they can't trust Blair to tell the truth, they can’t trust Cameron to run the country properly. What’s an average citizen supposed to do? Nothing, apparently. Just sit at home, and let the buggers burn....and complain loudly every so often.
I can see why - politics gets into everything. As my loyal readers *scoff* will know, I started up Tae-kwon-do again, was looking forward to it and everything, but what do I find when I get there? I’ve joined a different "school". As the tale goes, the guys who founded the school I’m in now, kicked out the guy who founded me previous school, who then formed said school to see if he could do better - he couldn't, apparently. So now not only am I rusty, I’m from the wrong school, so had to re-learn everything. Joy.
And then there’s Political Correctness...._ don’t get me started, ill blog that another day...
In this glorious (yet environmentally doomed) post modern era, the term "Mass Media" has become literal truth - the public has so much available to them, blogs, ezines, podcasts...and so the old dogs learn new tricks. The Frankfurt school refers to a concept called the "hypodermic needle", where the media injects its messages to the public subtly, slyly and causes a Narcotic affect - I guess we've now reached overdosing levels.
Don't worry about me though folks, I don’t do drugs! Life’s too short to be apathetic...it’s also a lot of hard work if you think about it, and God knows I’m a lazy bum.

'Rolling' story exercise

2007-02-02T10:46:00.001Z

By Joe Robinson
*This situation is theoretical, it never really happened. We were given more information as the day went on, and so our bulletins evolved.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A train crash at Holton Heath has delayed the launch of South-West train’s new train stock, it was revealed at press conference today.
A South West spokesman stated that one of the older models, which go as far back as 20 years, came of the rails at 9:02 this morning.
The £60 million investment was to receive a ceremonious opening after the morning press conference, but this was also put back because of the incident.
South West trains currently have no details on the crash, and services out of that area have been delayed until the rescue equipment can be called in.
The spokesperson declined commenting on how long the delays will run, and casualties are unknown at this point.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Vandals have been blamed for a rail crash in a remote part of Dorest, which has left scores of passengers trapped within the carriages.
No casualties have been confirmed, however the British Transport Police will not be able to get passengers off the train until more help arrives.
Lifting gear on its way in is due to arrive sometime after 11, and the Mainline has been closed to all other services.
There have also been reports of a second incident involving another train just after 10am, however no details have yet been confirmed.
A BTP spokesperson stated that the situation had now grown from what was thought to be “just a nuisance” to “something much more major”.
----------------------------------------------------------------

A train collision has caused mass mayhem in a remote area of Dorset, outside Holton Heath.
A goods vehicle collided head on with a passenger train as it was being slowly towed towards the nearest station, having been partly derailed by vandals earlier in the day.
The vandals are believed to be local teenagers, however no suspects have named.
A Chief Inspector for the British Transport Police stated that the “situation had now changed” and that their priority was “to get people out of he carriages”.
There have not been any confirmed casualties, but there is strongly believed to be serious injuries, as there is mass damage to the hit section of the train, and a small fire inside one of the carriages.
Police are currently involved in operations to rescue the 200+ passengers from the wreck, and other emergency gear is believed to be on the way.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

The Driver of a goods train heading for Weymouth, one of two trains involved in a collision earlier today, has died in hospital. Bryan Ames, 56, had jumped out of his cabin just before it collided with a derailed passenger train. His daughter, Sally Ames (21) states that her dad “had worked for FreightRail all his life, and always did his job well”. According to prelimary reports, there had been some confusion with the signals, and so Mt Ames was unawre of the aituation ahead. Along with Sally, Mr Ames is survived by a 13 year old son.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

A train crash has caused chemical waste to leak into the surrouding atmosphere, says Dorset Police. A goods train heading for Weymouth, carrying chemical’s such as Asbestos and Lindane, collided with passenger train as it was being towed back to a station. A Dorset Police spokesman said that the chemicals are “highly toxic” and that they “can cause long term damage”. All 200+ passengers from the train have been evacuated, and residents in the local towns and villages are being urged to stay indoors. It is estimated that the number of affected people ranges up to 8000. At the moment, there has been only one confirmed death from the crash, and several other cuts and bruises. Dorset police will be commencing an investigation into this incident “as soon as possible”.

Students battle the cold for the cause

2007-02-01T23:20:00.000Z

This month saw the Student Union hold its 6th annual sponsored sleepout. From 9pm on the 25th of January, to 9am the next morning, 26 guys and gals from around the university slept outside the Open-Access Centre to help raise money for homelessness here in Bournemouth. Support for the event has been varied, as last year only 12 people turned up so this year’s turn-out is seen as a big improvement. For the past three years the sleepout has been run by SU Volunteering Officer Joshua Seaman, who is also a 3rd year Marine-Archaeology student. In an interview with The Wire, he said how he was “not too disappointed with the numbers” and thought “it went very well”. Tea and Biscuits were available throughout the night in a near-by class room, and whilst most people brought their own sleeping bags, spares were available should anyone staggering out of Dylan’s decide they fancied a nap. This event is also supported by the Salvation Army, who receives any money raised from the event, and sends a meal van down in the morning to provide the brave pioneers with a bacon role and a cup of tea. Marie, who manages the meal-run thinks it’s “absolutely wonderful” what the students here at BU having been doing, and that it “shows the homeless people that young people do care”. She also said that events like this are “not just about meeting a need, it’s about making the people fee valuable, to share the joy”. When The Wire went down to see how everyone was getting on, they all seemed to be in good cheer, and a lucky few were even sound asleep. Hannah Mozley, a MA Journalism student doing a research project on homelessness feels that it is “important that something is done” and that “Bournemouth has a bad reputation for homelessness”, she also feels that sometimes these events “don’t necessarily make a difference, but help serve a persons conscious”. In response to this, Thomas Whitman, a 1st year Journalism student maintained that taking part in events such as these “show that you are conscientious”. Emily Darling, a 2nd year Communication Studies student, feels that people “always take things for granted” and that it is important to “give something back” “a good cause”. Other sleeper-outers like James Taylor and Caroline Ewens both feel its good to “do something practical” and that sleepouts like this “help raise awareness”. Whilst camping out outside the uni, campers noticed how passers by seemed “indifferent” to what was going on, and that they had heard “a lot of ‘poor student’ routines”. When The Wire grabbed Jennifer Sarah Brazil, a passer by, she seemed to confirm this. When asked, Jennifer said that she thought it was “probably good fun”. Luckily, sponsors have been quite generous, with one girl receiving over £100. Last year the 12 participants raised £500 between them, and with the money collected in the buckets already at £213, Joshua is convinced that this year’s takings could be well over a grand.

By Joe Robinson

January SUGM

2007-02-01T23:19:00.000Z

This months Student’s Union General Meeting (UGM) proved little better then the equally ill-fated AGM meeting last term. Despite 103 people initially turning up, meeting the minimum quorum for policy to be passed, numbers dropped as the meeting went on, reducing figures to 86 before the second motion. Since the constitution states that a quorum of 100 or over students is required to pass student union policy, any motions that were carried during the meeting could not be passed in any official capacity. This makes the 4th UGM in a row that has failed to meet quorum. Their were 4 motions tabled at this terms UGM, one for a Darts board in Dylans or D2, one for changes to the constitution regarding Clubs & Societies leadership qualifications, one regarding the bulk student spam mail and one regarding fylering just outside the Uni gates. The one most people were eager to debate on was motion two, proposed by both the Christian and Islamic societies, which proposed that the
SU constitution is amended to allow the freedom of a society to elect leaders who adhere to that society’s aims and core values. This proved a very controversial point, as opposers within the Students Union itself felt that this went against the “equal opportunities” principle that the union upholds. After some back-and-forth, the motion was eventually passed with a majority of 54 -32. The motion to put a stop to all the junk mail wasn’t as popular as people reckoned, falling with only 10 people voting for it. The final motion, to do something about the fylerers outside the uni gates, was passed 32 – 0, after being amended to add the inclusion of a bin. However, due to the fact that the flyerers are outside University property, it remains to be seen what action the union can actually take. The two passed motions will be brought up again at the next UGM, to make sure the students are happy with their choice, and to try and pass them officially with a Quorum.

By Joe Robinson

End-Game

2007-02-01T23:15:00.000Z

Sony has confirmed that the release date for the Playstation 3 here in Europe will be 23rd March 2007. Retail superstars GAME have been spreading the word as to the long awaited consoles arrival as they finalise details on how customers can pre-order from them. Being the last of the Next-Gen consoles to arrive, Sony’s new toy may have some catching up to do, and this may prove easier then people think. Proudly sporting the slogan “this is living”, this powerhouse of a platform boasts state-of-the-art technology in the form of Blue-Ray disks, HD multimedia interfaces, advanced graphics engines, Bluetooth technology, and much more. Expected launch titles include Resistance: Fall of Man, Virtua Fighter 5, and Need for Speed: Carbon. With the release of the final contestant in this generation’s console war, the games can truly begin, and may the best console win!

By Joe Robinson

Last Orders

2007-02-01T23:04:00.000Z

Saturday 27th January saw the final march of the Devon & Dorset Light Infantry Regiment as it laid down its colours to rest at the Regimental Cathedral in Exeter. As part of the sweeping army reforms announced back in 2004, traditional single battalion regiments are being disbanded and merged to form multi-battalion super-regiments, with the Devonshire & Dorset merging with The Light Infantry, The Royal Gloucestershire, Berkshire and Wiltshire Light Infantry, and The Royal Green Jackets to form a larger light division called The Rifles.
In a ceremony rich with both symbolism and patriotism, troops both veteran and cadet paraded through the city streets before presenting the colours to the Lord Bishop of Exeter Michael Langrish. The history of the regiment goes back to 1958 where the two regiments of Devon and Dorset were first amalgamated in Germany, and The Dorsets themselves were first founded in Ireland in 1892. Regimental Secretary Lieutenant-Colonel Geoff Nicholls stated that the men and women of the regiment “recognise the considerable advantages of belonging to a larger regiment and move forward into the future with confidence”. He also hoped that the people of Devon and Dorset will “soon refer to The Rifles as their regiment and follow their exploits with pride”.

by Joe Robinson

You ever had one of those weeks....

2007-01-28T00:54:00.000Z

.... where you can't help but think it's been utter poop, yet, when you look at it, its actually not been that bad? relationship issues once again crop up at the beginning of the week...which according to the vault of wisdom that is the Myspace forum "crew", is completly my fault.. Did not get as far with my Shorthand as i had hoped, and ive got about 36 hours to do a very important Essay....lost an entire day to sleep becuase i stayed up all night to do a story...a bit pissed off with that....and then pulled a sicky for work (argos) because A: i needed to try and get some uni stuff done, and B: i think ive lost my drive.........and all i ended up doing today was A: wathing season 4 of Babylon 5, with maybe a smidgeon of work, and B: musing over the fact that i think ive lost my drive.....so yeh, its been one of those weeks. Dont get me wrong, theres been some upsides but...i feel as if though im adrift in a sea of.....Cappichino...no wait, thats what ive been drinking for the last 24 hours...god that stuff is actually quite nice....
Oh well, enough from me. how you guys doing?

Take a bow.....

2007-01-24T22:12:00.000Z

I took up Tae-Kwon-Do again today.....it's been over a year. Slight problem though...the guys that run it over here are from a different "school" of TKD...the "proper" one apparantly.....well, regardless. i can see the differences already, and i feel like im learning things all over again...ill manage though.
It feels good to be doing something again though, keep me fit and all that. Who knows, maybe ill even feel good about myself again....theres a revolutionary thought.
Anyhoo..just thought i'd let my loyal fans know what im up to.....does anyone even read this?

Big Brother 'racist' row

2007-01-17T10:39:00.000Z

By Joe Robinson

It seems slightly typical of today’s society that it would take a reality show like Big Brother to finally wake people up to the important issues in life when celebrated Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty came face to face this week with the great British attitude towards foreigners in this years Celebrity Big Brother.
The incident, which involved housemates making ‘racial’ comments on how Indians all have Diarrhoea and don’t wash their hands, has seen Channel 4 and the Broadcast regulation OfCom receive over 10,000 complaints.
Celebrity mother Jackie Budden called Shilpa “The Indian” while the shows main sponsor Carphone Warehouse has said that it is “reviewing” the deal with the show. Keith Vaz, MP for Leicester East had been asked by his constituents to table a motion in parliament over this issue, so now instead of discussing terrorism, taxes or anything of importance in Parliament, they will be talking about Big Brother.
Great.
You’d think with racial attacks occurring across the country, Britain would realise there is a problem.
It seems that when it’s an ethnic person that no one has ever heard of it’s ok, but when it’s a famous ethnic person who no one has ever heard of, the government must act.
But what does the public think of this row?
On the BBC News website many are of the agreement that this has been “blown out of proportion” or is simply “female rivalry”.
Others have criticised Big Brother for not stepping in purely because Shilpa has “not voiced any concerns” of her own.
Even Big Brother fan’s think this incident has gone a bit too far, pointing out that fellow housemate Germain Jackson called the girls “White trash”, which of course isn’t racist in the least.

*academic piece
Sub-Edited by Tom Whitman

Here we go again....

2007-01-12T23:03:00.000Z

Well, this is my first post in a good while...and there have been some changes. I've moved acommodation, which i needed. Met 2 out off the 3 new housemates...there nice blokes. I live near some good friends from my course and from other places, ive got a new car, which is exactly the same as me old one, just a year younger. So far so good.

All ive got to do now is get my ass in gear and catch up on about a months worth of work...brilliant. Everything else is pretty much the same.

Our Hopes and Expectations.........

2006-12-06T00:54:00.000Z

......Black Holes and Revelations.

Random thought for the 6th December 2006.
Christmas has come once again. It always has a habit of sneaking up on me, so that I always send of the lists stupidly late. Oh well. Did them today. It seems as the years go on, I find it harder and harder to decide what I want. This year it’s mainly accessories to things I already have, or things that I wouldn’t mind having but cant quite bring myself to buy, for fear it be a waste of money.
The decorations are up, but its makes me sad. I didn’t help put up any of them. Mostly my fault, didn't get involved, didn't say "hey guys, want me to do this, or that..." but then again they didn't ask...that’s my problem, I always feel people should ask me. Then I know whether they want me around or not.
You can tell there are memories here, over two months worth of memories, and hardly any of them are mine. I don’t belong here, I feel detached and alone, I miss my friends, the bastards. Once again my thoughts stray to moving out altogether...but it’s hard, how would I tell them? I don’t want to tell them, I want to get involved, but I cant, it’s probably too late. That’s them coming through the front door now, night on the town, drink.... haven’t done that in weeks. I miss it.
I’m looking at pictures. Pictures of the early days here, where I was involved...I used to look fondly at these pictures, not they just make me even more sad. I feel I should just delete myself from them.

End quote.

Ender's Game: A review

2006-12-05T00:59:00.000Z

Every once in a while, something comes along, whether it be book or film, that strikes so deeply within the hearts and minds of the people, that it quickly transcends into the realm of the “cult classic”. Winner of the both the Hugo and Nebula awards for Science Fiction Writing, Orson Scott Card’s “little cult novel”, Ender’s Game, is as good as they come.
Set in the not-to-distant future, Ender’s Game sees an Earth united under one banner in the face of an alien invader known only as the “Buggers”. Humanity barely scraped it through the last two invasions, now they must prepare for a third. How? By taking the most gifted, the most physically able children they can find, and sending them to the most brutal training program the world has ever seen: Battle School. Card’s novel is about one child in particular, Andrew “Ender” Wiggan. With the third invasion drawing ever nearer, the need for a great leader has never been so desperate. Ender could be their only hope.
The story is full of ideas, concepts, moral truths, and intensity that touches everyone in their own way. Its Dynamic, it’s challenging, it’s just so….Good. You follow Ender from Earth, to the Battle School and beyond. You see him driven to become the best of the best, and the toll that takes on him and those around him. Most of all, you see children who are not a children, playing games that aren’t games, in a war that’s not a war.
To put it simply, Ender’s Game is a brilliant piece of fiction. The language: clear, the characters: powerful, and the story: fulfilling. One of its greatest features is its accessibility to the reader. People of all ages can be drawn into this novel; from a young child relating to Ender’s own youth (Ender saves the world by the time he’s twelve), to a teenage prodigy struggling with his/her own genius, to an adult seeking inspiration through tough times. Ender’s Game has something for everyone, and this shows the true reason as to why people read fiction. Why? Not for some great literary prose, but because we’re hungry for that “alternate truth”, that mythical reality, and that possibility that it just could be us. Whilst reading Ender's Game, not only do you follow his story, but you also create your own.

By Joe Robinson

Writing off: A sign post's tale.

2006-11-29T20:28:00.000Z

Well folks, I’ve had a car crash. Well, I say car crash; I prefer to think of it as a ‘difference of opinions’. I thought it’d be fine to drive on the verge without looking…the sign post thought otherwise. Unfortunately, before I could argue the point, I’d smacked in to the darn thing. Don't worry though, I’m still alive and in one piece (obviously), and I thought that as you are my loyal readers (note: sarcasm) that I would tell you my tale. Because I know you’re just dieing to hear it.
Ok, so I was driving back to Bournemouth Uni Monday night. I had been home for the weekend, and I had gone to see some good friends of mine play a gig before I left, so I was going home at about 10 o’clock at night. I don’t know the route that well, and it was Dark, and if there’s one thing I hate, its not knowing where I’m going. In the dark. Pretty sure it’s a driver’s thing. Anyway, I’m on the A24 to Worthing, and just to double check, I take a sneak peak of me map, just to make sure. So, eyes come off the road, car comes on to the verge. I suddenly look up to see be skidding across the grass, and the car is slowly spinning around....and just out of the corner of my eye I can see this metal sign post come hurtling towards me. "oh crap I’m going to die" was one of my thoughts, as was "the tire must of blown" "I wonder if things will just go black like the movies" and "shit there goes my no claims bonus". Turns out things didn’t go black, the back of the car hit the post, and swung me back round.
Some kind women, who I never got a chance to thank, stopped a few seconds later to make sure I was ok, and an ambulance just happened to go by too. Unfortunately I ruined the back axel on my car, and there’s a huge dent, so it’s a write off. Need a new one now, otherwise I’m stuck in Bournemouth, and I can’t get to work. Jolly Good.

Tittybangbang, A review

2006-11-22T10:55:00.000Z

Tittybangbang returns for its second series, with comedy actresses Lucy Montgomery and Debbie Chazen portraying “even more weird and wonderful characters”. (According to the official BBC blurb) Weird? Certainly. Wonderful? Not really.
With a name like “Tittybangbang” for a comedy show, you’re immediately half drawn into thinking it’s going to be about tits.....and it is. But it’s so blatantly obvious you can’t help but cringe slightly. An example, within the first 5 seconds of the episode, Chazen's character sticks a Hoover to Montgomery’s boob. To be honest, I have porn for that sort of thing. Dotted throughout the show are other similar scenes, tending to involve smutty foreigners. Not that Italian maids aren’t dirty madams, but it’s been done.
Despite the director’s obsession with sexual innuendos and foreigners, this show does have some hidden gems. Montgomery’s portrayal of Hollywood superstar Tom Cruise is one of the best I’ve seen. And it’s funny. Other good pieces include more ‘Cultural’ scenes, like the ‘elegant Mrs Baxter’, an upper class English woman who likes fighting with everyone. ‘The darters’, were Montgomery and Chazen play a couple of small down pub darters…Carol, the lazy wife, The two welsh friends….whenever they stray away from crude, OTT, sex-obsessed ‘humour’, the show actually starts getting funny.
All in all, the second series of Tittybangbang, while trying to carry on from the success of the first series, still seems like a show trying to shadow Little Britain with over the top, obvious sexual innuendos and impressions. Still, it’s worth a chuckle.

By Joe Robinson

Relocation, Relocation....

2006-11-14T19:22:00.000Z

So so-far I’ve already moved kitchens, but I find “the guys" kitchen isn’t exactly the land of milk of honey I thought it'd be, is it time to move out altogether?
Some Context: the "guys" (Alex, Andy, Noel and Dave by name) are great people, friendly enough, mini-legends in their own right....but I feel excluded all the time. They never invite me to have meals with them, so I always just cook for me, while they cook for the four of them. They never invite me out on nights out.....I don’t know what’s going on. To be fair, I’ve never cooked for them either, but that’s because I never get a chance. I've offered, but it looks like they want as little to do with me as possible......is it because they don’t like me? Or is it because they never wanted me in their kitchen in the first place? (I moved because of one of my other housemates hates me and I just couldn’t share a kitchen with her). I mean its not as bad as it was before I moved, but I feel isolated when I’m in the flat, I don’t need that again. I do try and get involved, but it gets harder. Maybe it time to look for somewhere else to live? Where to go though that is the question.
And before you start, I’m just venting, people need to do that at times. Deal with it.

A Good Reporter

2006-11-10T10:33:00.000Z

By Joe Robinson

Up and coming News Editor Andrew Newman, 27, believes a good reporter pries out the “hard facts”, and cuts out the “bullshit”.
He says a good reporter also needs good personal skills, to get on well enough with people so that the “prying” is made all the more easier.
This is even more important than writing, said Andrew, since without a story there’s nothing to write about anyway.
Having Studied at the Redhill College in Surry, Andrew passed his NCTJ exams and qualified to become a Journalist in February 2004.
After a few months of looking for a job, He then went to work for the Eastbourne Herald in July 2004.
After working there for a year, Andy moved over to the Crawley Observer and started out as the Clubs and Societies Editor in 2005.
He is currently still working for the Crawley Observer, having recently been promoted to his current role of News Editor, where his stories cover everything from Royal Visits to Charity workers to crawley's infamous pregnant teenagers.

Midway politics

2006-11-10T10:03:00.000Z

by Joe Robinson

This week saw the tide turning in America as the Bush administration took a blow in the Mid-term elections.
Both the House of Representatives, and the Senate, have been won over by the Democrat party in what is being considered an important moment for American Policy.
Bush is reported to have been surprised at the result, having said that he "thought we were doing ok”.
Many critics have attributed this turn of events to Bush’s unpopular foreign policy, especially concerning Iraq.
In a (un)surprising turn of events, the US defence secretary Donald Rumsfield has resigned as Bush pledged to bring a "fresh perspective" to the War.
Many have seen this departure as an admission that things may not be going according to plan.
With both of the American Legislative bodies now in the hands of the opposition, and with changes already being made, Bush will have to tread carefully in order to retain some potency in the remaining two years of his Term.

Interview with Mark Jenkins

2006-11-08T10:53:00.000Z

By Joe Robinson

'All work and no play' is a maxim that Mark Jenkins, Head of Sports and Recreation at Bournemouth University, believes strongly in. “Students these days don’t do enough to keep fit” he claims, and so he has made it his mission to do something about it. Mainly by using this little anecdote to get extra money for the Departments budget.
Mark has been in his current role as at the university since July 2004, after coming from a background in Local Authority Sport/Recreation, and has been fighting a progressive battle to try and bring the Universities “unfit” facilities up to scratch, with only 4 Sports Degrees at the University, the department has been largely neglected in the past. Since taking over from the previous regime, Mark has managed to increase the sport department’s budget (and expenditure) in recent years, gaining an extra 80 grand in the last academic year alone. With the Vice-Chancellors new 'Corporate Plan' currently in progress, Mark sees this as a golden opportunity to gain some much-needed investment.
Not surprisingly, Mark also has a quite active Sports History, having been a competitive swimmer from the age of 11 through to most of his young life. Unfortunately, since leaving collage, Marks time as been sparse, and so he has had to let his passion lax in recent years, especially since Bournemouth lacks its own Swimming pool. These days, Mark takes a more 'business' view on sport, He may not know who England is facing next in the championships, but he’ll make sure you have a pitch to re-play the match on.
The bit Mark most enjoys about his work is seeing a well-thought out plan come to fruition, and with development plans such as the new playing fields at Wallisdown, the creation of a third generation Astropitch, and new sports facilities well in the works, Mark has a lot of ‘enjoyment’ to be had.
What has been Marks greatest Success? Convincing the University that having the County Sports Partnership based at the University would be a good thing. Having come from the Dorset Initiative himself, he knew how trapped the Partnership was by the 'political interference' of Local Government. Bringing the Partnership to the university not only freed it from the clutches of the LA, but also made a perfect excuse for an extension to Bournemouth’s existing facilities.
What does the future hold for Mr Jenkins? Despite enjoying his time here at University, the poor standard of Bournemouth’s facilities trouble him deeply, and if the funding for his projects isn’t granted, he may have to give the local Jobcentre a quiet visit.

The Personals

2006-10-30T20:27:00.000Z

So I find myself once again wondering what it is that i am missing out on. I won't bore you with details. To sum it up, I’m lonely, in more ways then one. My course is going great, although instead of writing this, I should really be learning some shorthand, or finding an interview for Dan. Oh well. Meant to be going out tomorrow as well! Joy. Uni life is great, to a point. As I said, love my course, met some ace people, but there are hitches, as always.... I think I need to take a step back and just let things happen, but it’s hard. Anyway, enough random teenage rambling, time to get serious. It’s what I’m meant to do, right?

Memoirs of an old geeser

2006-10-27T21:37:00.000+01:00

Bob Lopton’s earliest memory is travelling into Preston on a tram in 1935, aged 3, and seeing the town’s first traffic jam.
Preston was luckier then most towns during war. The only difficulty that faced Bob whilst growing up was living with his five siblings. There was only his mother to support them, as his Father had died years earlier.
Bob would spend a lot of his time playing football with his mates, “bending it like Beckham before Beckham was even born”.
Bob’s family never had much money, but he still grew up and made a living for himself as a Printing Press manufacturer, a career that lasted him his entire working life. He also found himself a wife, and had a son and a daughter. The boy has gone into the same profession as he did.
Even though Bob retired 12 years ago, his later life has been dotted with tragedy. His eldest Brother died in a car crash in 1992, and his wife died in 2003. Sadly, his wife’s Brother also died that exact same day, after a major operation. Regardless, Bob persevered and has been enjoying his retirement since.
When asked what he liked to do with his time, “as little as possible”, was the reply. This includes taking walks along the sea front with friends, and visiting places like Bournemouth.
As a piece of advice before he left, Bob warned me against the dangers of smoking – mainly because it costs so much, but also you might, well, die. His wife had smoked, he hadn’t.

By Joe Robinson

A Life in the Day of....

2006-10-27T13:49:00.000+01:00

19-year-old Joe Robinson had always enjoyed his life as a student, despite his problem of actually getting up. If not sat in front of a computer writing essays, chatting on MSN, or fighting barbarians, Joe would also be found in the common room reading a book, or 'philosophising' with his friends. Joe is currently studying for a Journalism Degree at Bournemouth University.

I’m not really a “morning” person, never was. I would get woken up by my alarm, have a few blissful seconds before I realised what was going on, and then fall back asleep to the echoes of “5 more minutes”. It would then be half an hour later and I would be running late - crap. So, amidst cursing God and my alarm for not doing anything, I would speed-dress myself, grab my bag and be out of the door before you could do the Macarena.
The walk to school would always be pleasant. It would just be me, my music, and the path. Walking is one of the few things that I actually like doing alone; the solitude can be very relaxing, even if the scenery is just the borough you live in. I keep a brisk pace, since I dislike hanging around if I’m going from A to B, so 20 minutes later I would find myself striding through the gates of school, forming an apology to my tutor for being late. It’s the space-time continuum miss, honest.
School itself was always good, and I worked hard when need be. I’ve always liked school. The learning part anyway, socially I was mainly a bit of a misfit, often bullied in what I refer to as the “black years”, and still a bit weary of people by the time I hit sixth form, but I found good friends. I really enjoyed my subjects in sixth form; Philosophy was one of my favourites. Arguing back and forth on a point could be fun, especially if you pissed of a particular classmate in the process. We would always have the best arguments.
First break would be at 11:15, so straight down to the near-by garage for a sausage bap, The Guardian, and a bottle of Dr. Pepper, what’s the worst that could happen? Back in the day we would normally organise football matches in our breaks, but then they shortened them, so instead we spent our time up in the common room, relaxing, conversing, and loosely acting like the adults we were expected to be.
In my final year of 6th form, I only had about 2/3 lessons a day tops, so that would mean free periods. Usually I would spend these in the common room, reading a book, unless I had work to do. I love reading, always have. It’s the stories. I love the way they’re told, the way they’re written, the way the author tries to connect with the readers, and the big battle scene at the end.
When school was over I would walk home, sometimes with a friend who lives on the way, sometimes not, either way I would soon find myself back home. Once through the door, I would always surgically implant myself in front of my PC, and not move until it was dinner - I liked my PC. I play my favourite computer games on the PC. My PC is also an essential link to what I call my ‘Social life’, spelt M.S.N. MSN is great, without it I wouldn’t be able to talk to the people I had seen only hours before, or the people who I don’t often get to see. At some point my family would come home, and provided I wasn’t engrossed in defeating a barbarian horde on the shores of Asia Minor, they would get a short grunt by way of hello, and then that would generally be it until we met at dinner.
Usually we would just eat the food where we like, or in the front room watching TV, but sometimes my mum would use the big table in the dining room, where we would sit, eat, talk about our respective days, and so on. I love my family; I probably wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for them. After dinner it would be back to the hordes, unless I got bored, then it would be MSN until I went to bed. At some point I might try to do some work, but it rarely went well, I get distracted too easily. I’m a bit of a ‘last-minute’ kind of guy anyway.
I would generally try to be in bed by about 11, since I would have had school or work the next day, although half an hours reading was always a tradition. The morning would bring a new day, which I would vaguely acknowledge as I rushed out the door, late again.

‘I would get woken up by my alarm, have a few blissful seconds before I realised what was going on, and then fall back asleep to the echoes of “5 more minutes”.’

In the beginning...

2006-10-27T10:33:00.000+01:00

... God created the universe. Now this made a lot of people very angry, and was generally considered a bad idea. Unfortunately, not being able to do anything about it, the people had to move on, and tried to make themselves feel better by debating about whether God existed or not anyway. Somewhere along the line, I created this blog. This had nothing to do with the God/no-God debate, but it made me feel better.
So here I am, don't know what I’m going to write, or why, when, where, or even how, but write I shall. Comment on it, discuss it, knock one off over it, whatever, and just keep it constructive and civil. Don’t make me come over there.