Our Hopes and Expectations.........

......Black Holes and Revelations.

Random thought for the 6th December 2006.
Christmas has come once again. It always has a habit of sneaking up on me, so that I always send of the lists stupidly late. Oh well. Did them today. It seems as the years go on, I find it harder and harder to decide what I want. This year it’s mainly accessories to things I already have, or things that I wouldn’t mind having but cant quite bring myself to buy, for fear it be a waste of money.
The decorations are up, but its makes me sad. I didn’t help put up any of them. Mostly my fault, didn't get involved, didn't say "hey guys, want me to do this, or that..." but then again they didn't ask...that’s my problem, I always feel people should ask me. Then I know whether they want me around or not.
You can tell there are memories here, over two months worth of memories, and hardly any of them are mine. I don’t belong here, I feel detached and alone, I miss my friends, the bastards. Once again my thoughts stray to moving out altogether...but it’s hard, how would I tell them? I don’t want to tell them, I want to get involved, but I cant, it’s probably too late. That’s them coming through the front door now, night on the town, drink.... haven’t done that in weeks. I miss it.
I’m looking at pictures. Pictures of the early days here, where I was involved...I used to look fondly at these pictures, not they just make me even more sad. I feel I should just delete myself from them.

End quote.