CV: Your life, your future - all on a few pages

My first day of Unemployment, and god did it feel good. Slept in till like 1 o’clock, which i haven't done in ages, then had myself a fry up. Lush.
Then decided to update my CV, which I hadn't touched since Argos employed me over a year ago - well when you've got a job, there’s no need really is there? I've never had much success with these things, I try to make myself look good, but I guess it rarely works. How can you sum up someone in two pages anyway? (By writing a decent CV, they chorus) yeh well...this time My CV is going to rock their socks. I've actually lived since the last time I wrote it, so I’ve got oodles to draw on.
That’s about it for today… bit of boring day to be honest, but who cares. (Me) Who said that!? *throws rock*
Until next time.