Good Evening Europe

That's right folks, it was that time again. Europe's greatest national event, it's finest cultural achievement, and proof that you really can't destroy the Soviet Union: The Eurovision Song Contest.

First inaugurated in Switzerland back in1956, the Eurovision contest was mainly an attempt to test 'Live TV' broadcast technology, as opposed to actually doing something useful, like help unify a post-war Europe. "Never mind that our economy is shot to hell and the Russians are moving in, lets experiment with Television!". To be fair, it is a great show though.

Whilst the format, rules etc... of the show have slowly changed and developed over the years, the basics have always remained the same: A participating country submits a performance with a song. That song is sung live in the Host country, and broadcasted all across Europe, and even the rest of the world, via Live Television. Once all the songs have been sung, the voting begins. And that's where things start going slightly pear shaped.

The problem is, even for something as care-free, cheesy, and just plain naff as Eurovision, politics still manages gets its greasy, back-stabbed hands all over it. This usually rears its ugly head in the form of regional voting blocks, for example: All the former USSR countries, vote for each other - proof that the Soviet Union still lives on. The Balkan chaps also vote for each other, as do the European block. Typically, no-one votes for the UK much these days, because everyone hates us. Except Malta. You should of seen it in 2003/2004 just after we invaded Iraq - nul pwa (0 pints). The song wasn't that bad.

Serbia won it this year, which was gay. The song was crap, and most of us had trouble working out whether the singer was a guy or a lesbian. At least with Ukraine's drag act you knew where you stood, and the song was hilarious. I have theorised that it was only because this is Serbia's first year as an independent state, having just separated from Montenegro. Everyone decided to be nice to it.

At the end of the day though, hats off to another cheese-filled, politically correct year, and to Terry Wogan and his legendary commentating skills. Good night Europe, until next time.